In 2017, I went into a male restroom to release the raging golden stream from my manhood, otherwise known as pee. As my ass was sitting on the toilet seat, my eyes travelled towards the garbage bin.
It was then where I saw it
On a piece of toilet paper, a coruscating, humongous, dark piece of shit stared at me with a smell that practically fucked my nose into oblivion. It stared at me all seductively like an alpha bad boy to omega nerd girl y/n. My manhood, length, banana, cock a doodle doo, hot diggity dog, and all the other synonyms fangirls use to describe my penis, was about to explode
If only I had a banana-flavored condom, the way I wish I had a banana flavored condom.
I use to shame the people on discord who would roleplay as a cat and growl at me but in that moment, I lifted my ass in the air and kitty kitty purrrred at the piece of shit.
You're mine, I said, You're fucking mine slut, I yelled
I couldn't think of any way to become one with the shit without resulting in getting e coli, but then my clever neurotypical brain came up with a very clever neurotypical idea.
I came in for a piss but if I tried hard enough, I could take a shit. I could smear my shit crusties on the toilet paper and then place it on top of the other piece of shit, they'd be doing the hokey pokey for eternity.
I excitedly wiped my ass after taking a massive dump, but then I stared down in horror like a fifteen year old staring at a positive pregnancy test, I was dry.
It was my god given right to be able to wipe my ass and get shit crusties.
A man started banging at my stall, I saw his eyes peeking between the gaps of the stall.
"hurry up gay boy" he said. "giddy up gay boy" he shouted
With tears in my eyes, I ran out of the bathroom, I forgot I was in Texas.
I went back to my mother and the dude she was cheating on my dad with. "Why are you crying Jesus?" she asked.
"I didn't ask to be born" I responded with swag, then I died.
