lost love

chapter 2 Hidde memories

                 I look up to see two trees stretching out forming an arc; this signals to me that i have arrived to the garden. The sounds of running water makes my heart race, i walk forward and am greeted by a beautiful sight. Every color flowers in a green field of grass: purple lilies all along the pond: the branches of the trees held budding flowers, when the wind blew peddles danced along the clear waters. "its as beautiful as i remember" i gasp looking around.  I sit down at a base of a tree laying my bag next to me. I take a breath and look around taking in the scene around me.

         A gentle breeze blew the trees back and forth. Something feels missing, closing my eyes i try to think of what it could be.  I picture in my mind the last time i came here i was with Warrin. I went running out the house and he caught me by my waist laughing. He told me i left the door open again and laughed kissing my cheek. We came down to the garden and had a picnic under the stars. We fell asleep under this tree watching falling stars. I open my eyes realizing what i was missing. Warrin-it just doesn't feel as complete without him. Tears tug on the edges of my eyes suddenly wishing i was in hi arms. But i cant, hes not here.  "he didn't even give me a warning that he was leaving." i sigh, suddenly annoyed i wipe the tears away from my eyes. "if i had done something he should have told me....." 

    The sunlight creeps threw the leafs of the trees, making the dew on the leafs sparkle. This sparks an idea. I open my bag and pull out my sketch pad. Flipping threw pages to find an empty page i breifly look threw my old pictures. As I flip threw i realize a page was torn out and missing. My eyes grow wide 'the one from last night' i gasp tearing threw my bag "no no no no........ where is is!" This drawing it contained something personal, It symbolized a memory i tryed to burry in my heart. It was a secrete no ones suppose to know about!  Its not in my bag!  I panic trying to remember where i had left my sketch pad at. It comes to me; i left my sketchpad on the table in the living room. Warrin was in the room last night. My heart starts to pound against my chest. He must have taken it.

           I cover my face with my hand, tears streaming down my cheeks into my hands. "Out of all the drawings why does  he see this one!" I take a deep breath trying to calm down, but i found i couldn't, as my breath grew heavier. I feel arms wrap around me from behind, i jump a little and lower my hands looking up. Warrin holding me close. "Hey whats wrong" he whispers. I go to say something, however, nothing but wheezing comes out. "shh calm down its okay" he rubs my back in small circles. I hang my head and close my eyes catching my breath.He holds me tight even tho I'm shaking. I slowly recover looking up in his concerned eyes. "you have something of mine" i say carefully, "you shouldn't have taken it." He looks up at the sky silently. "ayisha... I'm sorry" This just makes me more upset ;I turn so I'm fully looking at him. "Warrin you really don't understand," i say hotly crossing my arms. 

     "Your right i don't understand ,but, you wont tell me so how could i?" My hands began to shake. "I don't understand what you want me to do?" He looks me in the eyes "Tell me what happened Ayisha; you said you trusted me, so if you really do then tell me." I'm feeling so hurt right now, and it must show in my eyes because his eyes soften and he reaches for me. I back out of his reach and shake my head. "Ayisha please....." "you think i want to keep things from you? Your wrong, I hate having to hide things from you, hate having secrets; but sometimes there are things that cannot be said." He looks at me with sadness. This becomes more than i can handle, I grab my bag sloppily; and  turn to walk away verily aware of him trying to follow. My visions blurred  as i run, My only thoughts where of escaping. Getting away from the pain that threatened to consume me. 

I couldn't see anything as i ran, Wasn't even consciously aware of a large branch in My path till it was too late. I fell forward putting my hands out to try to catch myself. The projection was just right that when i landed i slid sideways and down the side of the hill, hitting the back of  my head on a tree. Everything went black.I open my eyes a crack “where am i?” It was dark , a light shone in from a window of a small house. I gasp “this is my old house……” I look down sadly, walking up to the porch. I could see my reflection in the window; I look up jumping I'm shocked at what I'm seeing. I have to be age eleven. Thoughts began to take over. I am so late he’s going to be so mad at me...I think a tear creeping from the corner of my eye. Where is mom? She should be here...shouldn't she? …

         I look at the sky tears flowing freely now. She’s just working normally shes home by now, but they must have kept her overtime..again. Memories flash in my mind I stumble back a bit vision blurred with tears. She took the later shift because she felt it would benefit us. She could be around more often ,however, her work often keeps her later than she’s suppose to. We can't really complain….it's all we can do to not lose the house...She promised me we would work things out..that everything would be okay. Why doesn't it feel like it? Bad things always happen...just when i feel it could truly get better. I don’t just don’t see the hope. I look in the window again “ I’m already late...I should come in before I get locked out again.” I take a breath walking in the house shutting the door as quietly as i could. Quietly, I walk into the next room heading towards the stairs. “please be asleep, please be asleep” i mutter under my breath as i walk up the stairs.  

         “Ayshia” he comes out from the bathroom and looks down at me angrily. “Your suppose to be in your room a half an hour ago.”  He growls “I ran a bit late I’m sorry sir” I mutter staring at the ground. He raises his voice. “Look at me when i'm talking to you” He raises his hand and strikes me on the side of my face. I fall sideways hitting the wall. I touch my cheek fighting back the tears; I look up managing to squeeze out a response between my shaking breaths. “Yes sir” “consider yourself lucky; if you where any later you would have been locked out. Next time i wont be so nice.” I don't know how to respond; I just look at him silently not really hearing what he says next. I get shoved towards my room hitting the door. “ I told you to go to your room now move.” I open my door moving into my room stiffly and shut the door.        

          I learn my head on the door sobbing. “God ...I'm sorry if I've done something wrong…I'm truly sorry…. but, i don't know what to do. I wont ever be good enough, God wouldn’t care about someone like me...Why would he? In my mind, I see my mom hugging me telling me one day things were going to get better. Tears stream down my cheeks as i open a drawer and pull out a blade that I had kept hidden. There is no hope. I feel nothing as I drag the blade across my arm repeatedly five times. Blood drips down my arm onto my shirt, The feeling of the blood brings me back to my senses. The blade drops shakily from my arm, and i rush into the bathroom grabbing bandages and quickly bind the wounds. Pain laces down my arm, I groan and look down seeing the blood on my shirt. “oh man i have to clean this up before my parents find out. I grab the shirt and the blade and rinse off the blood as best as i can.   All of a sudden his voice rings down the hall

        “Ayisha come here!” “ gimme a second “  I call, wrapping the blade in the shirt and hide it in the drawer again. I can hear his footsteps coming angrily towards my room. “I told you to come here Ayisha.” I step outside of my room shutting the door; I turn around to see him standing right behind me. “Why didn’t you come when i called you?” “I……” He raises his voice cutting me off “You will learn to come when i tell you too. I gasp as he grabs me by my throat dragging me down the hall.  Panic hits me like a knife to the gut , the edges of my vision has gone blurry.I feel nothing as I’m thrown down the stairs.        

          Blood runs down my forehead as i lay on the ground. I don’t attempt to get up I’m too dizzy to move. There's a voice calling me, but i dont want to open my eyes. “Ayisha! Ayisha can you hear me?” It takes a second to recognize the voice. “Warrin-is-that you?” “Hey please can you look at me?” I groan and open my eyes . Warren's looks very distressed as i try to sit up. “Hey not so fast, take it easy will you?” I laugh a little “Warrin I’ve taken worse falls than this. He puts a hand on my shoulder to keep me from moving.Pain runs down the back of my head, I groan a little. He puts a hand under my knees and one on my back and picks me up. “Let's get you back so i can have a better look at you” “I'm fine really” i mumble half hardheartedly. “you fell a long ways Ayisha I wont feel any better till i do this,” “Okay fine” i mumble closing my eyes again.      

  When i open my eyes again I feel confused. "Where am I?" I look around realizing  I'm laying on the couch. It was dark accept for the light coming from the lamp. I groan pressing my hand against my head. I feel there's a long bandage wrapped around my forehead. "How..?" I sit up ".Warrin are you still here?," I call. Arms wrap around me from behind. I jump groaning a little. I gasp as tears hit my shoulders. "I'm sorry-I was scared...I'm glad really glad you woke up. I sit there in shock I've never seen him cry. Tears creep from my eyes. A thought tugs at the edge of my mind.  A thought thats wanted to be voiced for a long time. "Warrin....I love.... you know that  right?" I cry. " He puts his chin on my head  "Yeah Ayisha... I love you too"