Bulletproof Heart

16. What. The. Fuck.

I stare down at my sketchbook, at the portrait of him. I sigh and slam the book shut, of course I had to get partnered with him! I was happy about it at first, but now it's just torture...

I bring a hand up to my forehead, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I wish we would've never went to that stupid party..." I mutter to myself, plopping down on my bed and tossing my head into my hands as tears start to fall.

I grab my phone and call the only person I can think to call... Frank. The phone rings and I sit with my head in my hands as silent tears roll down my cheeks. As he answers I can feel the tears quicken and they become not so silent. "Hey, Y/N, what's u-" he cuts off his friendly greeting, "are you crying?" I can hear a muffled "what, is she okay?" Being shouted in the background, followed by Frank shushing them "hang on just a second, I'm at Gerards..." he says gently, "o-okay," Is the only response I'm able to form through sobs.

I hear a door slam shut and its quiet for a moment, before Franks voice comes back through the speaker. "I'm coming over, we'll stay on the line until I get there," he says. Not to long after I hear my front door open and my phone beeps, signaling that he hung up. "Where are you Y/N?" He calls from down stairs, "up here!" He soon comes through the door and walks over to me "what's wrong?" He asks, sitting beside me on my bed, running a hand through my hair to push it out of my face.

I look down at my hands, which now rest in my lap, slightly embarrassed to say it. "I miss Gerard..." I say quietly through tears, "Aw, Y/N... he misses you too y'know." He states and I look up him, sniffling "he-he does?" I ask, wiping my tears, "yeah. He didnt really know what he was doing that night..." "then why is he-" I sniffle "-always with her?" I ask, tears begin to fill my eyes again. "She wont leave him alone, please just give him a chance to fix this Y/N?" He asks and I sigh, "fine... I'll let him try to fix it..."

Frank went home after making sure I was going to be okay on my own and I lay down to go to sleep. As soon as I start to doze off, my phone rings. I groan and roll over to answer it, "hello, is this a miss Y/N L/N?" The person on the phone asks "yes this is she?" I question, "ms. L/N we are sad to inform you of your fathers passing..." the person trails off in a sad tone, my breathing hitches and tears begin to cascade down my cheeks once more "wh-what happened?" I ask through tears and the woman on the other line sighs "fire, his hotel caught fire... he was on a higher floor so he didnt make it out in time..." she trails off "o-okay, thank y-you..." I say quietly "we'll call another time to make funeral preparations and discuss your living situation.

She hangs up and I throw my head back into my hands as tears cascade down my cheeks "can't I have one day of peace?" I mutter between sobs. What's gonna happen? I'm gonna move arent I? I don't even think I have anymore living family? And if I do, they're halfway across the country... I'll be forced to leave my friends... Frank and Ray and Mikey... Gerard... I don't want to leave them. I don't wanna leave him... As I'm thinking about the guys, an idea pops into my head, if I can prove that I can support myself, they should let me stay right? (Look, I dont entirely know how emancipation works, but it's like 3 am as I'm writing this so just work with me here guys.)

~6:30~

I sit up in bed, curled up in a ball. Theres been so much going on, I wasnt able to sleep last night... my alarm goes off and I jump at the sudden sound. I quickly shut it off and stand up, shuffling tiredly to my closet. Not really feeling motivated, I grab a pair of jeans and sweater, throwing them on quickly, followed by my shoes.

I shove my phone in my pocket, slowly walking down the stairs, holding onto the rail so I dont fall. I'm not in the mood for breakfast, so I grab my backpack and open the door. Where I expect to see an empty porch, Gerard stands, poised to knock. He looks down at the ground as soon as our eyes meet, "hey, Y/N," he pulls one of his hands out from behind his back and holds out a small bouquet of (Favorite Flowers), I let a small smile cross my face and take them from him "thank you..." I move to the side, inviting him in before going to the kitchen to find a vase.

He follows me in "Look, Y/N I'm really sorry about friday... well, about everything... I never intended to hurt you." I stay silent, filling a vase with water and putting the flowers inside. "Truth be told, she came onto me..." he trails off and I turn to him, I allow my dull eyes to meet his hopeful ones "and you let her..." I say quietly, grabbing my bag and walking back onto the front porch. Gerard follows me out, gently shutting the door behind him, I move to lock the door as I listen to what he has to say. "I was drunk Y/N, I would never do that to you..." he says gently and when I look up into his eyes I see a sincerity there that I never expected.

I quickly look away, and start walking towards the sidewalk. The walk to school passes slowly, with Gerard passing apologies and promises my way that I try to convince myself not to fall for. Theres just so much going on that I dont know what to believe anymore...