To Know

Propositions

It comes to me as a drunken thought during a restless night. I love Mary Read.

Her beautiful dark eyes, her smile, her scars, her tattoos that I sometimes see peaking out of her clothes. Everything. And I want her to know.

It's not the smartest idea I've ever had. We've only kissed once and that was because we were both piss drunk after an extremely well planned raid. We were expecting a fight, adrenaline building up, but we never got the chance to spend it.

We ended up in her cabin, wasted, kissing until we ran out of rum and went to get more.

We haven't talked about but I can't get it out of my, especially now that I'm in the same state. She'd probably kill me if I brought it up.

I leave my cabin, plan in mind. I walk to the tavern, though it's more of a stumble.

She sits, straddling the back of a chair at a table with Hornigold, Thatch, Rackham, Anne, Vane, and Ade. She's quiet, watching everyone and I can't help but watch her from my place at the door. Damn she's beautiful.

I reach my hand in my pocket, the item inside is cold and metallic in my hand. I found it in an old chest and didn't want to part with it. I can part with it if it's given to her.

I walk over to them, taking a seat. Most everyone is as drunk as I.

Mary looks at me, trying to figure what's on my mind. "Kenway," she says plainly.

"Hello beautiful," I slur. Thatch laughs from his place beside us but the others doesn't take much notice to my words. They will in a moment.

She's speechless, brow furrowed in confusion.

"I want to ask you something," I say before she can say anything else. I push my chair back and stand, everyone at our tables attention turning to me.

"James Kidd." I say loudly, the attention of others nearby also being drawn.

I get on one knee like I've seen many do before and pull out the ring that was nestled in my pocket. "Will you marry me?"

The entire tavern is silent.

She grabs the collar of my robes and hulls me to my feet with her before punching me with enough force to send me to my arse.

Then the laughter starts but I couldn't rightly care. She knows. That's what matters.

She grabs my collar once more. Her lips spilt in a snarl as she pulls me to my feet and out of the tavern.

She walks a few blocks away before before pushing me into an alley, my back slamming again the wood of a house.

"What the hell was that for?" she growls, her eyes dark.

"I want to marry y-"

"Don't try to sell me that shite. What has gotten into you?" She looks so confused but there's always an underlying concern.

"I just wanted you to know," I say drunkenly.

"I didn't want to hit ya but ya left me no choice." Her voice sounds almost like she's trying to be forgiven. "What was I supposed to do? Let the others think..." She grimaces like she tasted something bitter.

"I don't blame you." I yawn. I didn't realize I was so tired.

"I'll take you back to your ship." She puts my arm around her neck and walks me to the docks.

At least she knows.

We enter my cabin and she lets me walk to my bed and lay down. She stands beside me, arms crossed, looking rather sour.

"I still want you to have it." I offer her the ring that I'm surprised I haven't misplaced yet.

"It's not mine to have." She sounds sad. Or it could just be my rum addled brain wanting me to think that.

"Why not?" I sound like a child.

"Edward... nothing can... we can't... you probably won't remember this anyway."

"Yes we can." I smile stupidly at her. "I care about you."

"Aye but only tonight you'll say that," she sighs. It sounds like she's heard theses words a thousand times before and she might have.

"What do you mean?"

"When you're drunk you tell me I'm beautiful, you've kissed me, and you bloody fucking propose to me but in the morning it never means nothing. Ya act like nothing happened or that it shouldn't have happened, which none of these things should have. It feels like a sick joke."

I feel ashamed. All the time I've spend trying to protect myself I've hurt her.

I reach out my hand to take hers but the pulls hers away. "It's because I'm a coward. I can blame my behavior of the rum when I'm drunk but when I'm awake... you scare me. If I say something wrong... if I do something wrong... you'd stop being my best mate and I can't lose you Mary."

She's looks sad again. Have I told her this before? "You won't lose me."

She takes my hand in hers and rubs her thumb across the back of mine, idly. "I love you." She won't meet my eyes as she says it.

"Mary, I love you too." She doesn't look surprised.

She bends down and brushes her lips across mine is a chaste kiss. "See me tomorrow morning and we'll talk properly."

She walks to the door but stops. "And Edward?"

"Aye?"

"Don't forget."

The door shuts behind her and I'm alone.

I stand, fighting the wobbly feeling in my knees and take a piece of blank parchment and an ink pot out of my desk.

I write everything I can think on it. The things I won't be able to remember and the things I've already told her that I don't want to forget. I fall asleep in my chair tonight.
-
I wake to a piece of paper in front of me. On it is my scrawled handwriting, almost illegible, and I remember writing it but I don't remember what I wrote.

I start reading. "Go see Kidd," is written across the top. "Tell her you meant everything you said." "She means a lot." "She already knows everything." "Tell her she's beautiful."

Then it starts coming back to me. The tavern, the alley, her chaste kiss goodnight. She wants me to tell her it meant something to me. Do the thing I've avoided doing in fear of her reaction.

I put the paper in my pocket and leave for her ship to make things right. She won't kill me if I love her and everything feel right.

Now she knows.