A new start

Chapter 1

I don't know how to describe the feeling I have right now. But it's not a good feeling in any way shape or form. I feel stupid and ridiculous for letting my guard down. He was the first person I had ever shared myself with. I told him all my secrets, my thoughts, hopes, dreams, nightmares, my past, all my needs and desires. When we first started talking he was all I thought about. I though about the feelings he erupted in me. He said the sweetest things. And I know that every guy does but I thought I knew better than that. Then to let someone persuade me the way he did. But boy was he a sweet talker. He didn't say lots of cute things, and he never really opened up the way I did but when he did it was amazing. His laugh was amazing too. We spent countless hours on the phone night after night talking about everything. Sometimes we just layed in silence on the phone. We were comfortable enough to just sit in silence and enjoy it. After a while I felt him loosing interest, I felt him getting bored. He never committed to any plans I had made or tried to make. He was always busy and I had always understood. He wasn't affectionate that way I wanted him to be. I felt as if he didn't like the way I looked or that I wasn't pretty enough. I deserved much more. And I feel silly now for thinking that at all because I now know that I am worthy of someone's time, attention and affection. He had told me that he liked me and still cared about me but he felt like what we had was rushed. He said that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he was always busy and we should just be friends for now. I was so heartbroken and angry but I respected his wishes and we still talked but it seemed we talked less that usual. He stopped saying the nice things that made me smile. Day by day he texted me less. Then I noticed his interest in other girls on Instagram. I simply asked him if he thought of us as friend or if he planned in us staying friends. He said "I can't see it going further than that it just doesn't seem like we are on that boat anymore....you know what i mean?" When he said that I broke down. I even shed a few tears. I just wish he had told me earlier and was more upfront with me. I trusted him more than anyone else. He broke my heart and he didn't even know it. But I will not cry about him, I will not let that discourage me anymore. I will just use that and learn from it.
•three months later•
The idea of moving somewhere bother me at first but know I find it quite refreshing. The idea of new teachers, new places to go, new people. I was intrigued. I've been in the car for about 6 hours and mom says we're almost there. We're moving to California. And who knows I might enjoy it a little.