months after a breakup that ruined her entirely, y/n decides to pour her heart out into a letter to her ex as a way to say her final goodbyes and move on.
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dear tobio,
or should i say kageyama, seeing as we aren't as close as i once considered us. i wish i could say that i knew this was coming. because maybe if i seen this coming from the beginning i could have stopped myself from falling so utterly in love with you.
when i had met you, i thought i found my soulmate. now that you are gone, i can't help but feel like a part of my soul is missing. my pulse now echoes your name. and as much as i wish i could shut this feeling out, move on as easily as you did. i can't. i can't seem to accept the fact that you are no longer coming back. i feel so alone without you by my side.
i wish i didn't love you anymore, hell you aren't even the person i dated. i'm wasting all this time missing you when you aren't even the person i once loved. if somebody came up to me today and asked "do you know kageyama tobio?" i would give a simple answer of no. because the kageyama that is standing today is not the one i once was with.
it isn't the same kageyama that once felt nervous to kiss me. the one that had to be touching me no matter what because that was our love language. the one that would cry into my chest because you felt as if you weren't good enough. the one that would teach me volleyball and would show me off to all of his teammates.
sometimes i sit and wonder what happened to that kageyama. and i wonder if he is still in there. because deep down inside i still hope he is in there and still has the slightest bit of love for me.
all i wanted was love. all i wanted was for you to try. was that too much to ask for? why could you not accept me? why was i not enough?
i watched you fall in love with me. i watched you become attached to me and watched our conversations get longer and more intimate. and i tried to ignore it when i watched you fall out of love. the conversations got shorter and more boring. we went from everything to nothing.
yet after everything, i can't say i regret all the time i spent with you. although you hurt me the most and put me through absolute hell, you were also the person to make me the happiest person on earth. you were the person who brought meaning to my life, yet once you left you took my meaning away.
i still don't know how to go on without you. how do i live without someone i lived for? i like to think that the old kageyama would be proud of me for coming this far. and i know he would probably joke and call me a sensitive crybaby while holding me and comforting me. oh how i would do anything to hear those words come out of your mouth again.
maybe in another lifetime we made it. the only thing that keeps me going is that in another dimension, somewhere we made it to the end together. and i can't help but wish that it was this dimension.
i'm sorry i cared too much for you. i'm sorry that i got jealous easily because i knew that i was easily replaceable. i'm sorry for all the times i complained about the smallest things. i'm sorry for still being in love with you.
until we meet again,
y/n
