The Bridge

"Great! Even the heavens hate me!" Annie said in exasperated tone as she leaned over the bridge railing, the wet wood staining the middle part of her white parka. The water below was rushing, as if in a hurry to meet the ocean on the other side of the island. The white foam on top reminded Annie of the soap suds she left on the sink before she headed out.

"You should just get over it. You will end up happier if you do"

Annie hated this phrase the most. "Just get over it! Ha!" She yelled to no one in particular. Telling her to get over her pain and act like everything is ok. As if there is a switch that goes from sad to happy and you can turn it on and off.

Well that's not how it works. Depression is not something you can turn on or off.  Sometimes it hits you out of the blue. You're perfectly fine cooking risotto and then the overwhelming feeling of sadness just envelopes you like a blue cloud hugging you until you suffocate.

"Honestly, it's not you. It's me. You're a great person," Jake said when he broke up with her a week ago.

Fucking bullshit. Everyone knows that that is such a cliché line and of course you're the problem. If you were such a great person, he wouldn't break up with you, would he?

STOP! Annie shook her head, trying to get the thoughts out but it still lingers.

"You're not good enough"

"He left you because you are a sucky person"

"Why are you always sad?"

"Jesus Christ, you're like an emotional vampire. You suck the life out of everyone around you"

Every day these thoughts ring in her head and she tries to fight it.

Tried.

Annie is staring at the water below. She is tired of fighting. Tired of making choices that always lead to failures.

Choosing men. Choosing friends. Choosing what to eat. What to wear. Where to go.

Choosing whether she should live or die.

She is tired of making the same choice everyday.

Tired of fighting to live a life that no one around her seem to appreciate.

Maybe it's time to stop fighting.

Annie sat down and leaned against the railing. The rain pelted her face. The little raindrops forming beads against the hair hanging in front of her eyes. She hugged herself to feel some warmth. The freezing rain is not helping her mood at all.

"Hey!"

Annie looked up to see a blue-eyed boy, about 14 years old, riding a bike towards her. He stopped in front of her and just held out his hand.

"You need me to help you up?" he said, waving his hand in front of her face to make sure she knows help is being offered.

"No, I don't need your help," Annie said, "Thank you for the offer. You should go before you get soaked"

The boy laughed, "Lady, are you sure? You're the one getting soaked here"

He jumped off his bike and propped it to the side. Then he sat down next to her. "So why are you sitting here when it's pouring rain? Are you planning to jump?"

Annie turned her head towards him so fast, she felt like she suffered a whiplash "What...what do you mean?"

"I was just asking if the reason you're here is because you wanted to die," he said bluntly while staring at her.

"Why do you think that?" Annie asked, still shook by his abruptness "Aren't you being rude?"

"Look lady," he said with the voice that sounded much older than his looks, "no one stands by the bridge in the middle of a freezing rain for fun"

Brief pause

"Plus I thought about it before too," he looked at her, "so I can relate"

"But you're so young!" Annie exclaimed before catching herself. Depression doesn't have an age limit.

"Doesn't mean I don't have feelings," he said while staring forward, "I've thought about it many times"

She stared in space too while asking him, "and what stopped you?"

"Today," he said laughing "it's you"

"What do you mean?" Annie looked at him with a puzzled frown, "What did I do?"

"I saw you clearly thinking of doing what I was about to do," he said while hugging his rain soaked knees close to his chest, " And I the first thing I said to myself was that I should try to stop you"

"Oh," Annie said at lost for words.

"I am not going to tell you every thing will be ok," he said, "because we've both heard that way too many times from people and it is annoying"

He put his hand on top of Annie's hand, "And I cannot guarantee that tomorrow you won't feel the urge to end it all again"

"Or tell you to think about your loved ones and how selfish you are"

"However, this is what I will tell you, " he said as he stood up in front of her, "It is your choice what you do with your life. You are the only one who can decide what is best for you. I will not judge you. But every day that I feel the urge to do something to end mine, I go to this bridge to find a reason not to."

He held out his hand to Annie, " and today, that reason is you"

Annie looked at his outstretched hand and then looked back at the rushing water behind her.

"What will you choose to do?"

-The End