A Collection of Essays

Untitled Part 1

“We are here so briefly that while we are here I only want to feel joy” Her.

Today being Valentines day and all I am feeling quite light in the head after a few ‘week changing’ movies (the movies are never life changing) and therefore decided to start writing a series of essays on my thoughts and feelings of and about the world. After quite a long day there were several events, and conversations that led up to this. Watching ‘Her’ at the end of it basically made me do this.

Today was one of those days when I realize that life is short and that I need to make the most of it. It’s a cliché way to put it but nevertheless that is what I feel.

The fact that I was intrigued by human emotion and interaction is perhaps a reason why I used to prefer to be an observer rather than a participator. Though the case maybe somewhat different now. :D Even now I rarely am myself except perhaps around a few people. It is interesting what each conversation with another gives you.

Right now I am about to give up on this piece because what I visualized of this piece is not being setting down my feelings accurately. Although the picture in my head of this essay is that of a literary classic preserved for all time I feel that whatever that I am putting down does not portray even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of what I imagine. That is because I am probably better at expressing myself verbally than in writing.

A few weeks ago I had a huge fight with one of my best friends over something which seems so absurd right now that I feel ashamed of myself. Before today a small part of me still hadn’t forgiven her. I kept thinking to myself why on earth I became her friend. I keep looking for the reason why I am mad at her but I can’t seem to find it and when I find it I can’t seem to communicate it to her and the reason lost again within seconds.

Today was the last day of class and (with the obvious intent of imparting some good in us after all his inappropriate expressions during the session) our lecturer showed us a video called the ‘last lecture’. It was not something new for me because I had seen a lot of these (maybe even this one) of successful people who had discovered they were suffering from a terminal illness and who then decide to sum up everything important they learned in life in the hope of making the world a better place.

Of the many messages he gave the one that stayed with me (and which I will hopefully remember for longer than a week) was to find the best in everybody. No matter how long it takes or how impatient you get waiting for that moment to never give up on them and to always wait for their good side to show. Which is what together with ‘Her’ that made me decided that I need to let go of whatever anger and resentment I felt for my friend, because unlike with some people in whom I have not yet seen any good and whom I continuously decide to give another chance, my friend had already shown me (even according to my crazy stupid logic) that she does have a good side which I had stopped seeing because of my anger toward her. I decided that I needed to just let it pass and move on because whatever that happened can never take away from all that was before.