• living with a famous streamer/gamer that's also your annoying twin brother is kinda hard; you figured that out when you barged in with a bloody nose, screaming bloody murder, in-front of over 500k people watching... especially a special someone...
waking up early was something i liked to do now and then; today was one of those days. I had made my way down stairs - quiet, not loud enough to wake up karl - and brewed myself a coffee (black of course).
Sitting down on the couch, i tried not to think about my relationship with minx. i didn't want it to end badly. i didn't want to mess up. i didn't want to ruin her. and most of all i didn't want to ruin myself. again. i'd been ruined before and karl had put me back together. piece by piece.
it was my first ever relationship with a girl. we were best friends and we were extremely close. going round each others houses for sleepovers, going out to the mall, laughing, joking, telling secrets. she new i was gay, i had told her, i had trusted her and she had trusted me in return with the fact she was bi. but i had grown another secret, a secret i - from this point in time- wish i had never revealed.
i told her i liked her. admittedly i was slightly intoxicated and we were at a party. she told me she liked me too, for a while , and was waiting for a time to tell me. she wanted to talk to me somewhere more quiet, more 'alone'. how stupid i was, i was blinded by her love. we weren't alone in the room, and as they appeared in front of us, she turned around laughing shutting the door on me. leaving me alone with them. after that night i had started to disassociate with life. the normal things i did seemed like to much of an effort and for some fucked up reason i felt like it was my fault; all of it. i realise now - it wasn't.
by the time i had relived the memory, silent tears were falling down my face. it was suffocating. hot sticky tears trickling down my face like warm treacle. my chest felt a hundred times heavier like the world was collapsing in on me. i felt cold hands grab mine; now of which free of my cup of coffee i assumed i had dropped.
" breathe ace it's me. karl. it's me i'm right here, it's okay you're here with me." he pulled me closer, resting his head upon mine, mumbling sweet nothingnesses to calm me down.
i felt ashamed for waking him up. i'd had panic attacks in the past and like this time, karl was always there to help me.
looking out to the window, i saw the sun was now fully risen; i'd been up for a while. moving back out of the hug, i thanked karl and wiped my tear ridden face.
" are you okay?" he asked sympathetically, smiling kindly at me as he turned to face me. nodding and returning the smile, i realised this was the last day i have with him before i leave for the uk.
"i'm sorry. i'm leaving tomorrow and here i am waking you up early and making your t-shirt wet." i laughed, pulling slightly at his baggy shirt to show the tear stained patches.
"no, don't say sorry it's fine. i'm fine and so are you okay. how about we... go to the beach?" he suggested, getting up and going to the kitchen, "actually we are going and that's final." and that was that.
karl had continued to make us both breakfast and we had both gotten changed and ready to go to the beach. it wasn't that warm so it wasn't like we were actually going out into the sea, i simply put on some black flairs and one of karl's sweaters, along with my vans. karl had also worn one of his sweaters (of which he reminded me) and paired it with a simple pair of black jeans. we were matching which is sorta ironic.
the drive wasn't long at all and there wasn't much traffic as it was a sunday and most people were still in bed asleep.
parking up just in front of the beach, it looked peaceful; tranquil you could say. we got up out of the car and sat on the waters edge, simply sitting there skipping stones in silence. just like we used to do.
if you asked me how long had passed, i wouldn't know. it could have been minutes, hours possibly not days but i knew it was at least mid-day as i was starting to get hungry.
nudging karl i stood up and held my hand out for him, " come on, let's go to sandy's."
sandy's was a little cafe near the beach. it was sweet but worn out; the seats a little scuffed and the menus faded by the sun, but it reminded me similarly of home. that warm fuzzy feeling, something like content.
stepping inside, the familiar sound of the bell chiming as the door swung open and the smell of rich bacon, sweet honey and something else i just couldn't fathom filled my senses; yet again i get that fuzzy feeling of home.
karl must have felt it too as both his and i's faces adorned smiles of content as we made our way to the counter. ordering our usuals you could say; his a bacon and egg roll and mine a plain cheeseburger, we made our way to the worn out, red and white booth.
sitting in here and chatting with karl about everything and nothing at the same time just felt natural and as we continued to laugh and eat our food i couldn't be more happier.
it was gone mid afternoon when we decided to leave sandy's; we had continued to buy vanilla milkshakes so we could stay and chat for a few more hours, but it was getting late and i was tired due to lack of sleep and i could tell karl was too.
heading back to the car, we got in and put on our seatbelts.
"thank you, for this karl. i really needed this, just some time with you, to catch up and everything," i said turning towards his side of the car, "i mean it."
"me too." he replied with a smile as he pulled out or the parking space and drove away, leaving us in a comfortable silence.
i had began to drift off on the way home. my head pressed against the cool glass but before i went, i was lifted up and out of my seat and carried throughout what i assumed to be our house and placed back down on a soft mattress. with a gentle kiss on my temple, i drifted off into nothingness.
"goodnight"
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karljacobs: had a great day sis! can't believe you're leaving me for a week 😔
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i'm sooo sorry it's been so long i've been dealing with a few things and to be honest i just haven't had the time or motivation to continue to write
but i needed to do this so here's another chapter hope you enjoy!
please vote and comment especially if there are any mistakes <33
