Alana's List (An Epistolary)

106

4:33am

@alanaofavalor

Hi.

@atreuseus

Umaga na. Bakit gising ka pa?

@alanaofavalor

I need to talk to you.

@atreuseus

About what?

@alanaofavalor

About things. I listened to your problems, I knew you already but I know there are things that you don't know about me.

@atreuseus

That's right.

@alanaofavalor

When I was a kid, I have a heart disease. It was the worse feeling that a young Alana could feel. I can't do activities that includes running, jumping, or others that might tired me.

I was usually on my room, alone and doing stuffs. Lagi akong nag-seselos tuwing may nakikita akong mga kaedad ko na pumapasok sa school kasama ang mga kaibigan nila. My mind is always thinking that "I wish I could be like them too,"

@atreuseus

I don't know what to say but I'll keep on listening. I'm not good at comforting people but I'll lend my ears.

@alanaofavalor

But my parents are doing their best. For that young age, I realized stuffs that helped me improve my thinking through others. Maybe that's the reason why my mind is always open for reasons, and my thinking was like mature.

I had my surgery for the sickness I'm bearing and it was completely successful, that's when I had the chance to do things I couldn't do back then.

I was so happy of everything I had now. I like someone, I live like a normal person but things get too pretty complicated.

I don't know when, where and how did it started but my doctor told me that my heart condition worsened. I really thought I am already free but why does the thing that kept me in chain for my life came back?

I was in total awe for everything. I was frustrated that I want to push everyone away from me because I'm afraid I might die ay moment and it will hurt them.

@atreuseus

Tell me I read it wrong. You're not going to die, Alana.

@alanaofavalor

I can say it, Atreus. I know what my body feels.

Do you know how hard for me these things are? my heart is aching suddenly, I feel so suffocated. My body gets weaker everytime I tried to do fun activities.

Sobrang ayoko ng pakiramdam dahil nasasaktan ako. It's hard for me to talk because I'm running out of breath every 1-2 words I speak.

I feel like my body was slowly giving up on me. I can't breathe properly, I needed a way to release the air inside me, it seems like there's a thing blocking my chest and it pained me.

@atreuseus

You're strong, you'll get through it right? if your body feels like giving up, then your whole self is not. You still wanted to reach your dreams right, Alana? you'll live.

@alanaofavalor

I will undergo a surgery on next week.

@atreuseus

See? you'll get through it.

@alanaofavalor

I think I really need to let go of the things I love. I talked this to you so we can have a clear conversation about the situation.

I know that you're going home to your hometown any moment from now and I want you to prioritize your family. Because it's also on my dream for you and your siblings to finally reunite with your father.

Every feeling we hold right now, it may be just temporary because I know we need to go on our separate ways. We have different paths of life and maybe I'll walk on the road that leads my self to peace.

I want to watch you reach your dreams because I know you can. Now that you already have a contract with our agency, I know and I believe that you will reach your dreams. It's just a few steps upward and you'll be a star.

Maybe we both are, the only difference here is I'm at the sky and you're an idol.

I want to watch you reach for your dreams, to finally overcome your problems, as much as I wanted to reach our dreams together, we need to go on our separate ways.

Just remember that even if I'm not on your side, I am always looking at you from above.

@atreuseus

Alana stop.

You talk like you're gonna die and I don't like it.

You'll make it.

Please fight for it.

@alanaofavalor

If I continued to fight, would you wait me?

@atreuseus

I will, so please...

@alanaofavalor

Wait for me then.

But promise me you'll stop if you know it's already the end for both of us.

@atreuseus

There won't be any end, Alana.

@alanaofavalor

Just promise me.

@atreuseus

I promise.