My flower pot

         I don't want to be creepy, sorry, but that is just how I feel, sorry about all that angry, It's not your fault, and it's not necessarily mine too, I don't know if you will understand me, but that's my time, it's about me now, so I finally can talk, and I will.
       Today, well today I was trying to tell to myself that I'm having a good time again, yeah I've been hearing that song again, and then, while I was trying to convince myself that is all right I just started to crying in the bath again, then I fault myself. I said "Sorry mom, dad, I'm not okay, I'm not perfect anymore, I'm no more the perfect child, the talented, beautiful and intelligent child I was. I'm not the strong and willing as I was, sometimes I just want to punch someones face or stay lying down all the day. I'm not the best in everything I try, so I stop to trying because then I could convince myself that I'm not the best just because I didn't take it seriously, I pretent don't care, I act like I don't, but I care, I really really really care about all this that I call bullchit. And I know that you never said to me that I needed to be the best, but you still talking about me in the past, as the only me was the perfect child, because I was the perfect daughter, but I'm not anymore, not perfect and sometimes I fell like I I even wasn't a daughter. But I still saying, that is not anyone fault although I fell like all this is my fault."
      Then when I stopped, I said tô myself "wow this look just like a suicide's letter". But rest assured, I will not suicide, I'm so hypocritical that I don't like to lose, so I'll not give up. So now, I'll back to the real life, where the only felling I have it's angry, well that's definitely not true, actually, nothing in these "real world" nothing is real. That's the real me, outside of these door, I just fake, I hide all I feel, and I can do this for at least 6 hours, then I let some anger goes, not all, but some, cause anger don't make me look like a loser, and then everybody leave me, it's magical, I explode, then no one try to talk to me, or know what's happening. Then I feel alone, and I cry, because I don't need to hide it anymore. So I let the pieces of my flower pot fall in the ground, so I can see all them and try to fix my flower pot, I've lost some pieces, but I still can fix my flower pot, and sometimes I didn't want to have a flower pot, but I will not give up of it, because if I do this, my flower will die, and I didn't ask a flower, but I got one, and I don't know why someone gives me a flower, but a do have a flower, and I won't let it die, because I know that must be some reason, and I'll find this reason, and when I finally find the reason, well then maybe I don't need to fix my flower pot again as I have been doing every single day.

By. Gabriela Carnelutti Bortolon