This One's For You //cth

trece.

It's been almost two weeks since I talked to Jack on the phone. Everything has been great since then! I got over my feelings for Calum, and he was happy with Thalia, while I was happy with a guy I met named Dustin.

Unfortunately, none of that is true. Except the Dustin thing. We aren't dating, and I don't even like him like that. We're strictly friends. Plus, he has a girlfriend anyways. [A/N; I need a girlfriend for him//; comment if you're interested] I'll admit, he is pretty cute. I'd probably be all over him if not for Calum.

Ugh, Calum.

As far as I know, he's single, but he's with Thalia a lot. Still, he never went back to being his old self since we stopped talking. I honestly doubt it has anything to do with me, considering I don't/didn't mean that much to him. We barely know each other.

Since the loss of contact, I put myself into overdrive on school work. For a straight week, I didn't do anything besides things for my classes. I typed all my class papers due for three weeks, but I way overworked myself. After that week, things got bad, fast.

Lately, I either sleep too much or not enough. I overeat or I don't eat at all. My life is either black or white, I don't know what gray is anymore.

I guess I seemed normal, because the only one who noticed was Kaylee. I still hung out with whoever asked, like just last week I went out with Ashton. Ash has been kind of AWOL lately, he'll randomly pick periods of time to ignore all of us, then the next week act completely normal. I want to ask, but part of me feels like I don't want to know.

Tonight, I was headed over to the Irwin 'twins' dorm for a movie marathon. Movie marathons are great, especially with them because they could care less how you look. Even if they did, they have to deal with my sweatpants and tank top anyways. I pulled a sweatshirt on, grabbing my phone and keys and leaving the lonely dorm.

Campus was quiet, since most people were either asleep or at night classes. Night classes were popular at BC, considering nobody likes waking up at six to prep for class.

The walk to their dorm was quick, and the door was open. I pulled my sweatshirt off, hanging it on the rack by the door and plopping down on the black bean bag I bought specifically for our movie nights.

Fletch and Ash both weren't there, and I questioned why.

“Ash? Fletch?” I called out, and heard shuffling in the other room before Ashton came out. “Oh, hey. Me and the brother were just trying to fix my desk. Long story, I'll explain later.” He quickly popped back in the room he was in.

I figured it was only going to be us 3, so I went through the movies they had and picked out three; Stuck In Love, Mr Peabody & Sherman, and my all time favorite, White Chicks. It was the unholy trinity, like the father, the son, and the holy ghost of movies. My attention was pulled by the dorm door being opened again.

When I saw who it was I wanted to die.

/ / I have nothing if I don't have you / /

“How could you not tell me he was going to be here?!” I whisper-shouted to Fletch, pissed off.

“If we told you, you wouldn't have come.” Ashton said calmly.

“No shit! I don't want to be within 100 feet of him, never mind 10!” I covered my face with my hands.

One of them put their arm around me and I sighed. “I'm leaving.”

“No, you're not. You're staying whether you like it or not. Noelle, you can't run from him forever.” Ash said softly. I knew he was right, I just didn't want to admit it. I know I have to talk to him. I just didn't want it to be tonight; didn't want it to be like this.

I left the room, back into the living room where Calum sat, on his phone. I plopped back down on my beanbag, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Hi,” He spoke quietly.

“Hey.”

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

“You don't look fine.”

“Excuse me?”

Calum sighed and mumbled a 'why am I doing this' under his breath. I don't think I was supposed to hear him, but I did.

“You have bags under your eyes, and you just don't look okay in general. Not physically, but emotionally. You look like somebody took an AK-47 and shot you right through the heart.” The way he described it was quite boyish, but I understood every word of it.

“Because, you know what? That's how I feel. Completely. And, you know who did that to me?” I asked, even though I am pretty sure he knew.

“Who?” Cal sounded genuinely confused.

“Really? You don't know?” I scoffed. “It was you. You took a fully loaded AK-47 and shot an entire round through my heart.”

Ashton and Fletch both came in the room after I said that, ending our conversation which I was thankful for.

Fletch laid on the couch next to Calum, leaving no space for Ash. He pouted like a child. “C'mon, you can sit with me Ash.”

Fletch got up and put Stuck In Love in.

I swear, I feel like the dad who can't get over his ex-wife. He's literally me. That's really fucking sad. I relate to a middle aged father in a movie who's obsessed with his ex.

What honestly is my life.

/ / DON'T MAKE ME CLOSE ONE MORE DOOR I DON'T WANNA HURT ANYMORE / /

The night seemed to fly by, and I was cuddling with Ashton almost the entire time. White Chicks ended, and I yawned.

“Alright, I think I'm gonna go.” I announced, taking his arms off of me and standing up.

We said our goodbyes, and I left the apartment. I didn't know Calum would follow me.

“Noelle!”

I stopped in my tracks, sighing. “What do you want?”

“I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I loaded the gun, but I didn't mean to fire. I guess I must've fired at myself, and you were there, because it feels like you're a part of me. Yeah, I barely know you, but ever since the locker room I couldn't get you out of my head. Dammit, I still can't. I love Thalia, but I love you too. I know enough about you to know that. I never meant to fire at you. I want to know you. I want to know the real you. When you're alone, not being pressured to act a certain way. The you deep down. When I know you like that, I can already tell I'm just going to fall deeper in love with you, Noelle. I'm so, so fucking sorry it took me this long to figure out.”

As soon as he stopped talking, I pinched my arm as hard as I could. I'm not dreaming. This is real. This is happening.

My heart simultaneously lifted and sunk. He loves both me and Thalia. But, he loves me. He loves me. Calum Hood actually loves me. And, he wants to know me. Shit, he might be waiting for a response.

“Wow," I said finally. “I-it's okay.. Misfires happen.” I tried to joke, but for the most part it failed. “I want to know you too. The Calum behind the hockey mask. Do you, uhm, do you want to come back to my dorm?”

Calum nodded, traces of a smile on his lips. The walk seemed to take forever. When we got there, we didn't have sex. We didn't kiss. But, I didn't mind. We talked and talked, all night long. I had no idea what it would be like the next day, or what would change, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.