Bottoms Up, Forget Tonight (Revelry Series #2)

Hakbang 9

"Kahit hindi ka na mag-ingat. Wala ka namang gusto sa akin, 'di ba?"

He didn't answer my question, instead he just drunk his alcohol. Bottoms up. At kagaya ng lagi niyang ginagawa, nagkibit balikat na lang din ako at umorder ng isa pang baso ng Margarita.

I won't get myself drunk but I want to sleep tonight, without having time to think about anything. Especially about how fucked up my past relationship is.

I fucking hate cheaters. I hope their dick rot in flesh.

Ang tagal naming hindi nagsalita. Parehong nakaupo at nakatulala lang habang iniinom ang alak na hawak. Hindi ko alam kung bakit dito ako dinala ng mga paa ko, imbes na sa coffee shop. Sabagay, hindi naman ako malalasing sa kape. It will just keep me awake and that's what I'm avoiding.

Sometimes... or most of the time... sleeping is the best way to somewhat escape.

"So you haven't moved on yet?" He suddenly asked after a long while.

I smirked and looked at him. Tinagilid ko ang ulo at nang-aasar na tumingin.

"Bakit mo tinatanong? You're curious of me. Am I starting to get through your system, Zathrian?" I said, amused is written all over my face.

He rolled his eyes and licked his lips. Marahan niyang pinapaikot ang alak sa baso.

"Nevermind." He said.

I chuckled and downed my third Margarita tonight. Ngumiti ako sa kawalan habang iniisip ang tanong niya. Did I move on?

There's only one answer to that. Yes, I've moved on. But did I forget it? No. And that's two different things. Moving on doesn't equate to forgetting it.

"I've loved him for two years. Two freaking years you know," I suddenly opened up.

Maybe it's the alcohol that's making me speak right now. At nagtanong na rin naman siya, e 'di sasagutin ko na lang.

"Bukod pa roon ang mga panahong mahal ko na siya kahit hindi pa kami. He's my first love. Young love. But I know it's real. He's an amazing guy..." I chuckled bitterly. "At first. And then he turned out to be someone he promised he will never be. And then I gave chances after chances after fucking chances... until there's no left in me. Because that's how I love Zathrian. Hihintayin kong maubos muna ako bago sumuko. I was hoping he'll change for me... for us... for our relationship," I said.

There's no tears. No anything. Just painful memories.

"Someone will change only if he wants to." He said.

I nodded. "Right. And he didn't want to. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkulang. No matter how much I tried to keep our relationship, it still fell apart."

"Because he's an asshole."

"And because it's one sided, right? Ako lang ang gustong mag-ayos sa relasyon namin."

"Right." Aniya, seryoso.

I sighed heavily. "Alam mo kung kailan ako sumuko? Kung kailan ako naubos? Kung kailan pinili ko na ang sarili ko?"

He looked at me in the eye. "Kailan, Cahira?"

I smiled bitterly. When will I ever heal from this?

"It's when I caught him having sex with someone. On his birthday. Kaya pala hindi sinasagot ang tawag ko dahil nagpapakasarap ang gagong 'yon. Pumunta pa ako sa condo niya, parang tangang may dala ng cake. Pagpasok ko, 'yon. 'Yon ang tumambad sa akin. Dinig ko pa ang mga ungol nila. Tangina, 'di ba?"

Tumango siya. "Tangina." Pagsang-ayon niya.

I chuckled and continued telling him the story I've never told anyone. Ang hirap ko talagang malasing, dumodoble ang pagiging madaldal ko. Tignan mo ngayon. Kinuwento ko na ang buhay ko sa lalaking 'to.