Hell Is All That's Left

1

Sometimes i wish i could escape from this world and leave it all behind. This world is cruel and unforgiving, you make one mistake and your life is over. I don't understand why the world has to be like this, at least why people keep bringing more and more into this unforgiving world. I am left to believe you don't die and go to hell you are born into it. The strong fed off the weak like prey; the weak are the victims and the strong are the culprits. I am a victim, but not a survivor. 

It all started off when my mom had died, I was devastated and went into total shutdown mode. My father though he was the one who killed her, but the cops never believed me. I was just a stupid young girl wanting to find any and every way to get justice for my mother. The thing is I saw him, i saw him take his fists and punched her till she went limp and them some more. He knew I saw him and told me i would be next.

After that for weeks i let him punch and kick me and hurt me all i wanted. He kept telling me i was the reason he killed her. To this day i stilled believed it was my fault. Because of that i felt as if i deserved death. Who knew an adorable little kid already wanting to die all hidden behind a small smile. I t is amazing how far a smile can take you, and how oblivious everyone is to it.

After about a few more years of abuse scars and bruises covering my body kids at school became meaner. Becoming like my father and picking off the weak. All they thought of me was, prey. I was an easy target to since I thought i deserved it. Teachers never said anything either, but i know they saw it.  

Once I reached middle school I started developing a little more and my farther noticed that. Beating me wasn't the only thing he was doing. First he just started by touching me but then it led to far worse than that. He eventually raped me and that's when i started begin self harming.

I was done with life by that point and i wanted it to be over, but then i meet a devil in disguise. He was so nice ans sweet and i told him everything. He was the one person I thought i could trust. I was so oblivious to everything because i had finally found a friend and I was so desperate on keeping him. So much so He stabbed my back a million times without me knowing it. When I finally noticed it was too late.

I carved his name into my body with a blade so i would never forget the horrible mistake i made. I ran away with nothing but my blades in hope of soon dying. My good for nothing dad of course filed a missing persons report and i was soon brought home. My dad then beat me to a pulp yelling, "you fat worthless piece of sh*t! I give you a roof over your head and food, what more could you ask for?"

That's when i made friends with Ana better known as anorexia. I went almost full weeks without eating and no one would ever say a word. I still hated myself for my mother and every other mistake i have ever made ran through my head 24/7. My cuts started getting deeper, I almost passed out from blood loss a few times too. Wish it would've killed me instead. 

I got to the point to where i was done I couldn't escape no mater how hard i tried. I picked up my razor for the last time carved my moms name took a belt around my throat and took my last step off the stool. I hanged their with no one noticing till the next night when my father returned home drunk as ever and furious.

I had done it, I was finally free from hell and no one would ever even care.