The gentle breeze blew lightly on my skin instantly raising goose bumps. I wrapped my arms around myself and rubbed my arms to try and heat myself up a bit.
As I lay in my queen sized bed I looked out the large ledge window at the sky, the reds, yellows, and oranges had begun to blend into one.
I remember a time when watching the sky colors blend into something beautiful would be enough to make me smile. But that had all changed, I'd changed. Gone was the party girl, the girl with unlimited amount of friends! No that girl had died, she was gone. All that was left was a shell and an empty one at that!
The low cut vest tops and figure hugging bottoms had now been replaced with over sized T-shirt's and loose bottoms. My once glowing skin was now dull and as dead as my soul. I no longer wore any makeup, not that I really did back then anyway!
I let out a sob as my mind went back to that night...
"Just lay back and keep your mouth shut" he spat at me as the stench of stale alcohol hit my nostrils instantly making my mouth fill up with saliva and making me feel sick.
"Please, please don't do this! I-I have money" I stuttered as I pleaded for him to stop.
I felt his weight on top of me, his grubby little hands ripping at my clothes. I tried to move but my body didn't seem to be responding, I was numb.
"I told you I don't want your money" he said as his mouth sucked on my ear. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. Bile burnt at the back of my throat.
"I. Want. You!" He said as he planted soft kisses on my neck.
I closed my eyes tightly as I blocked out the rest of the memory from that day.
Sitting up I reached into my bedside cabinet and took out the shiny blade. Pulling up my sleeve to my pajama top I run the blade across my arm, warm crimson liquid running down onto my bedspread. I felt the tight pain in my head ease as I continued to make a few more cuts.
There was a small knock at my door
"Hunny are you okay? I heard you cry, can I come in?" I heard my mums worried voice say as she tried to open my locked door.
"Please talk to me..." She said as she talked through the door, her voice shaking slightly as she spoke.
"Marnie please" she said choking on a sob, it made my heart clench at how I couldn't talk to my mum anymore, I hadn't spoken a word since that day. I felt guilty that I had cut everyone out of my life especially my mum. It was just me and her, we had been so close and now I was alone and trapped in my own body.
I got up from my bed and slowly swayed to my door feeling slightly light headed. As I unlocked the door I felt myself fall forward into my mums arms. I could hear her heart wrenching sobs as she stroked my face and told me everything would be okay. I knew she was lieing though, I knew that I would never be okay! Closing my eyes I let the darkness engulf me, as I made one wish.... Please don't let me wake up!
