You're making things worse for me.. Why? (Harry styles) #wattys2015

part 5

-ALEXA-

i woke up the next day feeling like shit, i had put a bandage on my arm and it was bright red because the blood.. i went to the bathroom and changed my bandage looking at the open wound ''why did i have to do this?'' i whispered to myself. i changed into my school uniform and went downstairs to eat breakfast

''are you ok love? you look abit ill'' mum said once i sat down on the table ''yes, im good'' i replied bluntly.. i wanted to tell my mum about me cutting myself last night but i didnt want to bring back all the drama, i was scared. i was so scared i was going to do it again. i cant deal with this. i cant do it.

i got to school and walked to my locker ignoring all the name calling that was going on around me ''there you are'' katy said coming behind me ''hi'' i said faintly, i couldnt tell her that i had cut myself she thought i was in a good place. i just have to deal with this on my own.

''slut'' ben said coming up behind me and knocking my arm ''oww'' i screamed in agnoy looking down at my arm that he had just knocked ''i-i need to go'' i said to katy running off leaving my books on the floor

i run to the bathroom went in the cubicle pulled my sleeve up and looked at my arm that had blood stains on it. i placed my other hand around it and sat down crying ''lexi are you in here?'' katy said walking in the toilets i quickly pulled myself together and walked out

''why are you crying?'' she asked me ''its nothing, im just feeling emotional today'' i replied giving a fake smile walking over to the sink and throwing water over my face she smiled and handed me my books ''ok then lets get going to lesson'' i told her walking over to the door and opening it

the school day went past quickly, i said goodbye to katy and walked home.. ''alexa wait'' harry said chasing after me ''what do you want?'' i asked him ''i know you heard what i said yesterday.. im so sorry can i make it up to you by taking you to dinner tonight?'' harry asked i looked at him confused, was he really sorry?

''ok'' i replied not knowing what i just said.. why did i agree? but was he sorry that stuck in my ''ok, ill pick you up at 6 tonight'' he replied smiling i smiled back at him and carried on walking home,

it was fast approaching 6pm so i got changed, i never wore anything fancy i just wore jeans and a long sleve top to cover up my scars. i saw harrys car parked outside so i made my way down and got in ''so where are we going?'' i asked him ''someone nice'' he replied driving

we arrived at frankie and bennys ordered our food and started talking ''so how've you been?'' harry asked.. i wasnt exactly going to tell him i had been cutting myself, ''ive been good'' i lied.

''dont look anywhere, stand up take your things and go to the toilet'' harry told me ''and stay there for a few minutes'' he insisted i look behind me ''i told you not to look'' he quitely shouted there stood all of harrys friends.

i got up and walked to the toilet standing by the door with it open abit to see when they leave so i can come out.. but to my suprise harry left with them, did i really just get stood up? i knew this was too good to be true.

i walked out the toilet ''excuse me ma'am'' our waiter said ''yes?'' i asked her ''your bill'' she said handing it to me.. great now he's making me pay for this? fucking fantasic well done harry.

i took out my cash and paid her, i walked out and started to walk home. i reached my street and see harrys car parked outside my house, why was he there?

''hey'' he said stepping out his car i just ignored him and walked towards my door ''im sorry'' he said ''sorry for what? sorry for calling me a slut? sorry for standing me up? sorry for making me pay for our dinner'' i shouted at him

''here take this'' he said handing me £40 ''no harry, i dont want your money. please leave me alone and never speak to me again'' i told him opening my front door and running upstairs to my room. i locked my door and made my way to the bathroom

there it stood. ''i cant, i cant'' i kept repeating to myself i took the razer and slit my wrists again. i layed on the ground looking at my arm pouring with blood crying my eyes out.. why am i doing this?

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