Rants!

Rant #1

I hate it when people say 'Anxiety isn't that bad' because anxiety makes you sit there and overthink every little thing. at times it makes you think that everyone you love in your life are leaving you. and you begin to feel abandoned and not worth anything becasue the important people in your life don't want you. So you push away the fear of being hurt and you push away them so they can't leave you. but in reality no one was ever leaving. anxiety this bad makes you think that all your loved ones are leaving and it sucks. You unintentionally make yourself sad you feel alone even when your not  and sometimes you don't even know what's wrong. it's just that heavy feeling in your chest that everything is just wrong and you caused it and can't fix it. and you don't just have a train of thought. you have seven trains with four railroads and all the conductors are screaming while your trying to make your way around without crashing. and it gets so bad that your sitting there with no emotion, bags under your eyes from not being able to sleep at night, your back hurts and you can't seem to get your mind off of the bad things. and it just makes me so mad that people want anxiety and lie about having it becasue it just feels like your always breathing but not breathing in oxygen and it feels like there is always this twist in your stomach that makes you anxious about everything and it's sucks. it really really sucks. and i'm done. i'm done with everything.and it makes your socks feel too tight and your shirt feel twisted and you can't get your hands in the right position and it makes you angry about the little things. and it makes you constantly shake and not know what to do with yourself. and when someone asks you how you are you just say your fine when all you want to do is scream and cry and let your self claw out of your skin and let them know your really not okay. and it hurts that no one can tell when your not okay, you can be talking to them and have the urge to shout 'cant you see i'm not okay' but instead you stay up till the ungodly hours of the night staring at your ceiling over thinking everything and your constantly feeling liek your not enough and you don't know what to do about it. and your waiting for something, anything to let you know your done. everything always feels cramped and like a maze you can never get out of that keeps getting darker and darker, almost like a hole you just keep falling into, deeper and deeper but there is no bottom. your only escape is that one person but that one persons doesn't even exist. and i'm tired of people telling me anxiety is not bad because it is. it's really really bad and makes you always wants the feeling freedom you can't ever get. like something is inside you trying to claw it's way out but it can't, it's stuck on this thin layer of skin. it makes you get max of 5 hours of sleep a night because you can't escape your own thoughts.and it just exhausts me that i can't get out of this never ending cycle of me being good one minute then extemaly anxious not knowing what to do with myself. everything , every little word leaves a mark that stays forever.

((600 Words))