Zero O'clock

01

Johannesburg, south Africa

It's a murky day
I am berserk with grief

The voices in my head whisper,"kill him"
I am too fond of the twelfth hour,remember?
I shall grant-

For some, poetry was a way to let go of past traumas. For Shanika,it was a way to relive those unpleasant moments, so she'd never let go. Each time the ink stained these pages,her abhorrence towards him was intensified.

"What are you always writing in that notebook?" Lulu,the only friend she'd made in these past three years asked as she sat beside her on the bed-if you could even call it that. It was just a very uncomfortable mattress enclosing probably a few thorns too that she felt poking her all night,the thin layered blanket draped over it usually left her itching a lot and she used avoid it as much as possible at first but nursing a runny nose and sore throat day after day wasn't exactly fun.

On the left corner of the room was the toilet. It was not really clean but she preferred sitting on the stall much better than this bed.

It made her so angry that even time hadn't made this place less of an eyesore. No wonder she had nightmares.

"Just thoughts I cannot share,"She replied as she closed the book shut.

"To think I actually believed I was your only diary,"she chuckled.

"Oh,Lulu. Can't a girl have some private thoughts?"

"I become worried when you don't tell me but it's alright,as long as you're not planning a murder,"She laughed but Shanika could hear the ring of seriousness.

"Anyway,what are you going to do when you get out of here?" Shanika changed the topic as she felt more exposed under Lulu's hot scrutiny. She knew her too well.

"I'm thinking about a lot of things,my head is boiling hot right now but first and foremost, I want to spend as much time as I can with my son. I'm hoping to cover the scar I gave him by leaving too soon. I'm also going to work on my relationship with my mom. Staying mad at her for selling me off to Nicholas is ridiculous, I mean we didn't turn out too bad. I can't wait to see him," Lulu beamed.

"You what?" Shanika exclaimed.

"Please don't judge me."

"He put you in here!" Shanika was quick to remind her.

"Yes but that doesn't change the way I feel about him. I love him." Lulu defended herself.

"You love him-what the fuck are you saying,Lulu? How can you love someone who tossed you to the wolves to save his own skin?"

"He's not that selfish. He did it for me and our son. We would've lost everything we'd spent years building to spare me a few months in prison."

"A few months? Have you not seen the calendar? It's been five years,you've been here for five fucking years. Where is he?"

"But I am going out,you think this whole parole thing is a coincidence? It's a known fact that I'm not the most well-behaved inmate. He is behind it,you know why? He loves me. He isn't leaving me here to rot like your perfect little boyfriend!" She fumed.

"Well,I'd rather rot in here than run back to the same hands that destroyed me,"Shanika said.

"Yes,I am running back into his hands. In those bloody hands,there is a pure and secure place for me,"she said.

"Pure?" Shanika snorted. "Your husband goes around spilling blood,killing innocent people. There is nothing pure in him."

"There is and I do believe someday,he will change."