part 13

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-ALEXA-

it was the day after harry had found out i cut myself. i felt so embaressed but tbh ive been doing it for years so theres no need to be embaressed. oh he also come round with his mum for dinner last night. when i saw him i walked straight back into my room

he had been trying to contact me but i just ignored him. i refused to leave my house. i couldnt take this no more.

i was so suicidal.

i wanted to kill myself.

my mum walked in my room and saw the pills on the side of my bed ''what the fuck lex'' she said shouting at me.. i didnt know what to say,.

''i-i-im sorry'' is all i could say ''lex please tell me whats wrong'' she said

i explained everything to her, i told her i wanted to kill myself. i told her i didnt want me be here no more. i didnt want to be alive.

''i cant do this no more mum, i cant do it'' i said screaming into her chest crying my eyes out ''its ok baby, its ok'' she said rubbing my back

''i need to ring dr shaw, you need to go back to hospital'' she told me ''no mum i cant'' i screamed as she left the room ''lex you need to, you need help. im scared for you. i dont want you to take your own life'' she told me standing at my door ''you do it for me then, you take my life'' i screamed

i sat on my floor in a ball crying my eyes out for ages, mum came back in the room ''ok come on lets get some bag packed.. youre going there straight away'' mum said

in a way i was so happy she was there to support me but then i was so scared, i didnt want to go back to hospital. im a fucking psycho.

im mental

im a mess

im suicidal

im broken

i cant deal with this.

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