I'll miss you | Meredith (Merluca)

Chapter 3

The next day | 6 days after Andrew died

Meredith has been off the ventilator for a few days now. Her physical condition was getting better. But even though no one wanted to say it, they knew that she should be feeling much better by now than she was actually doing. She could barely sleep since she has woken up. Since... since she knew for sure that Andrew has... died. And last night she hasn't been able to sleep at all. She wanted to. She wanted to get back to sleep so badly; not to be in this place for some time, to escape. And she knew she needed the rest and sleep, but she couldn't.

She was looking outside the window, not at anything specific... just staring into... nothing; reflecting the emptiness she felt inside her.

She felt how a tear rolled down her cheek. She hasn't noticed that she was silently crying until now. She didn't know what to make of everything that has happened. They weren't together... and yet... it hurt so much.

.

Meredith heard someone coming inside her room. She quickly turned her head around to see who it was only to realize once again that it wasn't him. Andrew would never walk through that door again. She turned towards the window again before she tried to wipe away her tears.

"Rainbows are a sign that someone you love has made it to heaven." She heard Maggie speaking softly behind her before she walked around her bed and sat down at the end of it, following her sisters look outside the hospital window.

And only now Meredith saw the rainbow that has appeared at the sky when the sun started to shine while the last few raindrops were falling out of the clouds.

The thought made her smile between the tears she couldn't stop to fall out. She hoped he would be happy up there. She hoped he would be with someone he loved. But she wished he was still here.

"You still loved him, right?" Maggie turned towards her, trying to put on a small smile.

"I..." Meredith looked at her for a moment before she turned towards the coloured sky again, staying silent for some time "I did. I- I love him."

"I'm so sorry, Mer." Maggie said while she was taking her hand, joining her in silence, looking at the different colours between the rain and the sun again.

.

Maggie kept sitting next to Meredith, holding her hand until she calmed down a little, closing her eyes for a moment.

"If you need anything, I'm here." She whispered after a while, slowly getting up from her bed.

The movement made Meredith open her eyes for a short moment. She saw the sun shining now, a few rays of sunshine coming through the window while the last few tears were rolling down her face.

"Stay. Can you stay, please?" She asked, turning towards the door hoping that her sister hadn't left yet.

"You should try to get some rest, Mer." She said softly while at the same time closing the door again and sitting down on the chair next to her bed.

"I-" Meredith tried to start, to tell her how she was feeling. She turned her head towards the window for a moment before she faced her sister again "It doesn't feel real. Every time this door opens I wait for Andrew to come inside to check my stats again or to just spend some free minutes with me... But... I-" She tried to look up to not let the tears that were forming again fall out, only to give up her attempt a minute later because... she couldn't. "It doesn't feel real and at the same time I feel this heavy sadness inside me." She finished, having to cough a few times, still not enough strength in her lungs.

Maggie quickly gave her the oxygen mask, that she had put down to talk to her, and put it back on for a few minutes until Meredith could breathe a little easier again.

"You're okay?" She asked. The question was unnecessary but Meredith knew what her sister meant. And she gave her a small nod, reassuring her that she could get enough air to breathe again.

"Do you want to talk about him or do you want me to just sit here for a while." Maggie looked at her with a sad but small smile after she made sure that her sister was okay.

"I don't know." Meredith sighed not sure how to get out of this feeling. She had survived this before, but in this moment it felt unbearable.

"Do you want to talk about something else?" She could see the worry and the sadness in Maggie's eyes.

She stayed silent for some time, not sure what she wanted, except for this to stop.

"How are my kids?" Meredith asked instead.

"They miss you, but they are fine, Mer." She knew that Maggie knew as well as she did, that she only tried to distract herself. Amelia and she have been updating her almost hourly since she was awake again and her family was probably the only reason that kept her fighting right now. But in this moment she just wanted to have Andrew back, not to be reminded that she would never see him again.

"He was so good with them." Meredith answered after a moment getting lost in her thoughts again, not able to think of something else.

"One day when he was helping with the kids while you were in jail..." Maggie started softly. "Zola told me that she had spoken with him about Derek because she was scared to forget him." She continued, making Meredith look at her a little surprised "He tried to take her fear away and told her that she'll always remember her dad. That Derek would always be with her." A sad smile appeared on Meredith's lips at what Maggie told her. "Andrew would want you to get better. He is with you, too, now."

Meredith knew that. He was such a caring person, he always wanted the best for the people close to him, he wanted them to be happy. And it warmed her heart to hear about his conversation with Zola. And somehow she felt that he would want her to look forward. But she couldn't. Right now she just wished he would still be here. With her. With them.

"Can you stay here a little longer? I don't want to be alone right now." Meredith asked, looking up at her sister.

"Of course, Mer." She took her hand again before Meredith closed her eyes trying to get some sleep.

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End of chapter 3

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This chapter was completely inspired by the quote "Rainbows are a sign that someone you love has made it to heaven" which was sent in a whatsapp group after Andrew died... And I personally loved this quote, that's why I included it here... Thank you to the person who sent it!!

Also, in total there will be between 12 and 15 chapters... And I will try to post a new chapter every two (or three) days... :)