I had just finished a fit of hopelessness. As I curled up into a ball I softly placed my head on his chest. The small curls prickled my cheeks, my changing attitude interrupted by his heart beating, its saying "i. love. you. i. love. you" every three beats I could hear the same three words "i, love. you. i. love. you"
I felt the back of my throat build up a burning sensation, similar to the nights your friends senselessly pressure you into taking yet another cheap shot of liquor, chased by cold air and regret. Every time you hold that cold shot glass to your warm lips you wonder if it was ironic that people drank to forget their problems, while you drank to create them.
Your thoughts returned to the beating of his heart, and the little three letter word that you keep hearing over and over again.
"i. love.you. i. love. you"
But when will it stop you question to yourself, when will the beating of his heart stop, or when will when will those three little words change; because they always do, just like girls chase boys for the fun of it, or you buy a cheap bottle of booze to forget your worries.
He placed his hand on my arm slowly softly stroking my fragile skin. Although he never said it I could feel it in his warmth, I disregard the thought as my heart fell into a state of loneliness.
My thoughts, he could never understand. I was on an island of nostalgia; my feet aloft the sand; slowly turned to quick sand the sun turned clouds, and at that very moment those clouds filled to their capacity and down came the water, similar to my tears.
This moment made me realized that life is bleak. Memories that once helped pull me into this state had also helped me recall what I'd come out of and what I've overcome. It made me afraid of my thoughts more than ever.
I focused back on his beating chest "i.love.you.i.love.you"
those three fucking words began piercing my ears, going from one ear drum through to the other.
Those three fucking words traumatizing my soul, undressing itself into our pitiful world, leaving behind its layered outfit of mistrust.
"i.love.you.i.love.you.i. love.you" his heart said to my ear, I squeezed myself tighter to his chest hoping that it it would stop, that those words wouldn't go away. I could feel the tears stream down my cheeks, burning my skin leaving small paths for more tears to follow.
"i.love.you.i.love.you." its ringing so unmanageable it became my nightmare, turing my thoughts into of a reminder of who I truly am.
"I.LOVE.YOU.I.LOVE.YOU.I.LOVE.YOU" His heart screamed he had finally grew tired of my sobs, my sadness and my independence, he no longer wrapped his arms around my frail broken body, my love had faded into anxiety, and those three little words that i once doubted turned to "i.hate.you"
