"You need to go there please and get the books name from their respective columns." Said my leacturer Thea texting me back.
I quickly wrote her a text back, "But what if they demand an identity card of their university?" The message was immediately read by her and she was quickly typing the reply. "Don't worry, the library owner knows I am sending my student. "
"Okay. I got it. I will be back before the lecture." I answered. Ms Thea probably don't know how much I was sweating behind the phone.
I have this unknown fear and anxiety while going to new places or interacting with new people. It always make me nervous or twitchy with anxiety. I either start biting my nails or grab something tightly with my fists.
Sitting in the bus, I was still wondering why I agreed to volunteer to this work. It was either Ms Thea or my own conciousness cursing me for not stepping out of my introvert zone.
The bus turned a corner, which cause my water bottle to topple over and fell under the seat next to me. I immediately bent over to find the water bottle but stopped after feeling the harsh glare on my face by a middle aged woman, black hair in a bun, with thick black eyebrows and black eyes sitting with a sneer on her face daring me to bent under her legs.
See that was what I always do. I sat back straight on my seat and looked out of the window already fighting with the new found frustration that my new water bottle is not mine anymore.
I saw out of the window and saw my stop. I stood and waited for the woman . I didn't asked her to move from her place. I thought she would know that's what she is supposed to do when I stand up to get off the bus. But no, the bitch didn't even moved from her place.
My frustration was already on top and now this woman was beating it to the point where I want to smash her head on the steel rod supporting the above seat. But instead I tried to climb above her legs and finally after moments of difficulty I succeeded.
The bus was nearly stopping on the point. I immediately bent over the seat and grabbed the water bottle. The bus door opened at the time. I had just two seconds. I opened the main cap of the bottle while balancing my register and phone on the other hand, and dumped all the water on the woman's lap. She stood up to probably murder me but I was stepping out of the bus and the doors closed automatically. I laughed a little under my breath. I wasn't a violent person but every person have their boundaries. My anxieties and frustrations have their point but the woman was just messing with me to test my patience.
Entering the university gates, I had my register in a death grip against my chest, hiding away the high rise and fall of my heart beating like it would burst away. I knew the way to the library. I came prepared. Ms Thea had already sent me it's map and now I just had to act on it. To the right, then left, climb the stairs upto third floor, turn towards left corridor and stop at room number 4. And yes there was the library.
I stepped into the library feeling the sweat on my upper back dip into the arch of my spine. My hands were clammy and my forhead was adorned with frown etched on it. I tried to erase it away with a small smile but I think it rather looked like mere stretch of lips with a smooth forhead. I saw an old man sitting behind the chair sipping from a cup. Probably tea. Steeping towards him, I approached him hesitantly, "Excuse me Sir, Can I ask you something?" The man glanced up, his brown eyes kind and humble, easing up some of my tension. He nodded once and began writing again.
"Can you tell me where is the Chemistry section of the library? I was sent by Ms Thea to get the names!" He looked at me again and said, "Yes, go on straight from here and turn right, at the end of right corridor, you will find column. " I smiled and said, "thank you sir." He smiled slightly and again turned towards his writing. I turned but stopped by his voice,"put your cell phone in that shelf, they aren't allowed here." My anxiety again heightened recognizing the mistake I again did. I nodded and put up the phone on the shelf. There were already 10 to 12 phones there.
