The Anarchy Princess

4. "Dean"

I had the best time of my life at that school. Only because she was there. If she wasn't, I would have never made it. And when I had to take Sammy and leave, it killed me, knowing that I was leaving both my soulmate and my best friend behind. I knew dad wanted us to find him. We had a job. A vow, to protect people, to save them. To hunt. I wish I could've done it differently. It killed me to walk out of their lives. Jax had become my best friend, another brother. And it didn't help I was in love with his younger sister, who was almost Sam's age. They were in the same grade, she had been only a few months older than Sam. I was happy. I hated the towns, the people in them. California was different. She made it different. I wanted to stay there, just to forget the life, to be with her. But I knew better than to fuck with our job. She would probably end up like mom, or worse, and I couldn't put her in that position. So one day, I had just stopped coming to school, then my phone would never be answered. I hated every second of it. I left town, not a word to anyone, or any trace. Only to the school on why I had to pull Sam from it. We weren't coming back. At least, not for a while anyway. I felt like shit for the longest time. I wasn't supposed to get close to anyone at that school, in that town. She had groaned about her friends being gross and making out in front of her, I joked how I had guns if she wanted to use one, that was the start of the flame that we had ignited. I swear I had saw her almost everywhere I looked, I gave a little wave every time I saw her in the school hallways, so she wouldn't feel so invisible. She just had to hop over that back fence from that damn apple orchard. But I'd be lying if I said that pie wasn't as angelic as she was. I learned that she did it every Friday. I would skip 6th period, and wait at the fence, with a backpack and some wire cutters. That smile of hers was too damn infectious. We got into so much trouble, but that time was the best. Jax was always there for her, like I was for Sam. Sometimes we'd look out for the other. If I was running late to pick him up, Jax would. And I had classes closer with July's.  Her ex, I'm glad he was taken by Cherry, I hopes they're both happy. I am. I'm not sure what I'd be doing without her. She was perfect for me. That was until I completely ghost her. I felt like shit. It was the only way to keep her safe, to keep her happy. She was better off. At least, that's what I had to frequently remind myself. The light in her eyes. The taste and the feel of her soft lips, the way that her body would melt into mine. Stop, dammit. She's happy now. I would never know, work has me tied up. Focus on the job. Only on the job. Be the best damn hunter you can be. I had to burn that mantra into my skull. I waited for Sam to get our food. Days, weeks, months, then years passed us. I thought about her sometimes. When Sam was at college, when on a hunt. Even when I was with Lisa and Ben. I sometimes pictured it was her, who'd be walking through that door, a child, our child, running up to her, happily greeting their mother. I smiled softly. The vision was played over and over. I couldn't ignore the nagging thought. I sighed as I got dinner made, Ben set the table. I knew this wouldn't last. This charade that I built, about family life. An apple pie life. Apple pie. I had swallowed thickly at the memories of us out on that football field, sat on a blanket. I brought some drinks and food, she brought the apple pie she'd baked that Friday night. I broke down. I'm not usually one to cry, but damn did I. Why did this curse life crawl it's way out of the depths of hell and had taken me in. I would have never left California, that small town, her. I had punched the wall next to me, I cried out in anger, all that this life does is destroy. I punched again, and again. The paint and the drywall had broken. Much like I felt inside. Broken. All the shit I took from dad, from this life. I felt it, I channeled it, all into my fist, the wall was ruined, I yelled as I bled, the wall had become a sticky red color, but I didn't stop, I couldn't. I left her. I missed her. I needed her. I wanted her. That fucking smile is being played on repeat in my head. Her long blonde waves swooshing around as she whips her head back to look at me. I yelled. I was shaking now. In anger and pain. I probably broke my hand with all the blood. The hole was massive. Too big. It looked like a sledgehammer had hit it. With all the blood there you would think that I took the sledgehammer to someone's face. The indents that lined the wall. The blood all over it, the only thing missing is a body slumped over. In that moment I wanted to demolish this wall, to destroy this whole house. But the anger, the pain, they wouldn't ever leave. I want to run to her. To see her smile again, knowing I caused it. I sit on the floor, and ice my hand. My mind is numb from all the fantasies. I can't feel, or think. I don't want to. It's only been about her when I do. I can't. I need to find her, to see her. I had to. She was on my brain 24/7. I couldn't get enough. It was like an obsession. I was addicted to her. I won't stop until I find her. Every addict needs their fix. I tracked down a place, in California. I looked to see an old truck in the drive, thinking about all my dumb decisions. I grazed the door, then knocked on it. A dog started to bark loudly, a man yelling, "yeah! No, I got it. I-" the door flung open, revealing those diamond blue eyes, that haunted my dreams.