The meaning of Freedom

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She skipped over another stone, avoiding the running water underneath. It was slippery, but she could manage.

''What does freedom mean to you?'' the other girl asked.

She let a breath escape, and closed her eyes, to feel the sun warm her face. How would she be able to explain? Gathering her thoughts, she tried to answer.

''Freedom means feeling the warmth of the sun. Freedom stands for being able to breathe, it goes hand-in-hand with peace. It's a feeling of absolute bliss, where I can be myself without a care in the world. When I say I want to be free, I'm saying I want to be me. I want to dress the way I want without worrying about looks from people, or getting dress coded. I want to be able to act the way I want, without people telling me to be more lady-like. Freedom means letting go of the opinions of the world, and doing whatever I want. Being whoever I want.''

She felt her throat get choked up.

''And being with who I want''.

She turned around on her heels, the moss giving in a bit too easily, causing her to almost slip away. She caught herself on time, and as she got her balance back, she quickly shot a look to the girl in front of her.

   Her hair was long, and it was died a bottle blonde. Her clothes were baggy and simple, and just so her. She didn't expected her to be wearing this, but the way too big jeans, the olive colored shirt, it all looked perfect on her. Even better than her usual uniform, which looked amazing on her, but seemed a bit too restricting.

But what really caught her eye was the soft, nervous smile and her bright red cheeks.

Straight girls don't blush at comments like that.

   Pushing the thought away, she broke eye contact, and felt her own face get hot. Jumping to the next stone, she tried to stay calm. Her mind jumped to conclusions she didn't want to think about. That she couldn't think about.

''How about you? What do you think freedom means?''

She asked it without daring to look at her. Her head was spinning around in circles. Seconds felt like hours, as she got nervous, and second-guessed herself if she should have even asked it back to her. Did her answer weird her out?

Then she heard her voice, clear as day, cutting trough the silence.

''Freedom... To me it would be like an escape from daily live. Getting out of the same-old routine I've had for years. To leave the expectations behind. To forget about getting straight-A's, to be able to leave the house without taking forever of making sure I look presentable enough. To stop forcing a smile, to scream curse-words into the void without hearing people say they'd never have thought I could swear. It's to stop being the picture perfect girl people expect me to be. No perfect grades, no dresses and skirts, no long hair. No spiteful family. No fake friends. No boyfriends.''

Silence filled the small riverbank. As she wanted to break it, words seemed to fail. She never knew how much the girl suffered from the image people seemed to have of her. She had never mentioned anything about her family either, and while intrigued, she didn't dare to ask any further, afraid of crossing a line.

Realizing how much emotion was put in the last words, she felt hope sparkle in her chest. It quickly faded away as an unwelcome feeling of nausea surrounded her, her feelings mixing and turning trough her stomach. She wanted nothing more then to ask about it, but the fear of losing her best friend drowned out her wishes.

She didn't realize she was zoning out, until her voice sounded again, ever so softly this time.

''To me, freedom also means being me.''

Her voice was trembling, as if she was scared. She wanted to turn around so badly, but was afraid eye-contact would break the atmosphere into a thousand pieces, ruining the moment. She wanted to see her face, to tell her it was alright.

''Freedom means being so in love with this girl.''

The sentence was short and simple. She felt electricity in the air around her, and as if broken from a curse, she immediately turned around. The girl was standing on the side of the river, her eyes fixated at the water. She had expected her to be crying, but she wasn't. Her face was bright red, and she was shaking lightly.

Picking up her feet, she walked back over the stones to the girl. Standing next to her, she realized their height difference once again, being half a head taller then her. Unsure what to do, she tried to catch her gaze, but she was stubbornly looking at the rushing water.

''Please look at me''.

Her voice sounded more desperate then she had intended. A cold feeling of dread ran trough her, as she realized that the emotion in her voice explained too much. Her heart skipped a beat when the girl turned her eyes to the ground, and slowly looked up. As they made eye-contact once more, the two became lost in each other.

Slowly, she grabbed her hand. The girl got even more red, but grabbed onto her hand tightly.

Rubbing small circles into her hand with her thumb, she couldn't stop a grin coming on her face. Her thoughts became a blur, and she let herself loose. She was drowning in the emotions, as she felt herself grow more confident at the same rate that they were drawn closer to each other.

The girl was nervously smiling at her. She raised her other hand to place a stroke of the girls loose hair behind her ear. Their bodies were inching ever so close, and she could feel her breath. She moved her hand from her hair to her face. Her heart was racing, as their lips were almost touching. Her voice was barely noticeable when she whispered to her.

''Can I kiss you?''

She could almost feel the lips of the girl turn into a grin, as she whispered her answer back.

''Yes''.

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⏰ Last updated: May 05, 2021 ⏰

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