[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 8

kalopsia: the delusion of things being more beautiful than they actually are

» kwan ara's pov // 2 years ago »

i pounded my pillow with anger. i was so thankful for my private room, which was originally a storage room. i had saved up money myself to renovate the room, and i was proud of it.

walking out to the living room, i ran into taeyong, who was still fuming. what were we fighting about, anyway? all i could focus on was the terrifying anger on his face.

"taeyong? taeyong!" i called, annoyed.

"WHAT!? what do you want, ara?! just leave me alone. i can't handle you right now." he breathed loudly, and i saw his hand clench into a fist.

"i didn't even do anything, you idiot!" i yelled.

he punched the wall beside him, making a crater. i flinched and nodded, going into my private room. i leaned against the wall, shivering. i knew it wasn't because of the cold.

he was getting meaner. why? what did i do wrong? we had been together for two years.

over the past few weeks, he had been arguing with me every chance he got. i was done with it, and i couldn't help but yell back. it would only fuel his anger, and make him say harsher things. i flinched, remembering him say that he should've never asked me out back in high school. that i was worthless.

i sat on my bed and cried, cried until i was completely dry. i laid there, sniffling as i contemplated everything about our relationship. two years ago, i would have been able to say, "because he's kind, funny, generous, thoughtful, beautiful, caring." now, i couldn't even remember if i even loved him.

but of course i still did.

"ara?" a soft voice called, from behind my locked door. it was taeyong, who was knocking on my door at the same time. i sighed. looking into the mirror and being sure that my face wasn't swollen, i came over to the door.

i tentatively opened it.

i started shaking at the view. there he was, crying like a little boy. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry, ara. i don't know what overcame me."

i hugged him. "it's okay, we all make mistakes."

meeting you was one. loving you was two.

——

» kwan ara's pov // 1.5 years ago »

"ara. i'm going to count to three, and if you're not opening the door by then, i'll bust it down."

it had only been a few hours since our last fight, which i couldn't even remember why we fought. we had been fighting this whole year. i rolled my eyes and fought to remain calm.

"one..."

i snorted. "don't try to assert your dominance on me. i can do without your bossiness. leave me alone."

taeyong growled. "oh really, my sweet ara? really?"

i heard the sound of metal on wood, and knew he was going to actually knock the door down soon.

"crazy bastard," i mouthed.

running over to the window silently, i shimmied it open. luckily, i had oiled it the day before. it slid open easily. i sent a silent thanks to whoever the god of oil was, whoever they were.

just as i was lifting a leg up, i heard the sound of wood falling down. turning around, i faced an angry taeyong.

"oh ara," he said, almost sweetly, before slapping me. i held my face as i could feel the throbbing pain. tears filled my eyes, but anger held them back. it was the first time he had hit me, and i would not be bent down to his level. i was a woman, and i was worth more than this.

i froze. "you fucking bitch."

his eyes flashed, and he slapped me once again. second time, i counted mentally. i had a strange feeling that i would be counting a lot more in the future. 

i was scared. shaking. infuriated. betrayed.

"fuck off," i seethed.

he raised his hand to slap me again, but i kicked him in the groin and knocked him to the ground.

"you fucking whore," he growled while groaning. too late, i wasn't there to hear it.

i had slipped out the window as fast as i could, and scrambled to get away. i ran to jaemin's house and knocked, praying that he was home. thanking the universe that he was my neighbor.

please, let jaemin be there for me. i still lov-

"ara?" he had opened the door. without even responding, i shoved past him and collapse on the floor. he immediately locked the door. "what happened?" he hovered over me.

i was still numb, and simply stated, "he hit me."

jaemin's eyes widened, but he quickly resumed a neutral face. "stay here for the night. i'll talk to him."

i quickly reached up and grabbed his hands. "no!" he saw the wild look in my eyes, and nodded. i squeezed his hands tighter. "don't tell anybody! don't talk to him! don't bring it up to anybody! not even me! please stay silent, please, please, please!"

he simply sighed, but i knew he would comply. "but stay here, okay? i'll protect you."

i nodded. "i'll stay," my voice cracked. "with you."

he smiled kindly, with much more kindness than taeyong had ever showed me this year.

he gently put a palm on my face. i winced, and he pulled his hand back.

"now let's take care of your new bruises," he murmured softly. "i'll take care of you."

i teared up. "you'll take care of me."