Epilogue
I was only in the hospital for six weeks, but it dragged on and on and felt like six years. Mom is still flighty, but she’s taking care of the new baby a lot more than she did with the twins. She named the baby Jordan Lucas, but we call him Jay. She’s gone nearly every night, but I don’t mind as much anymore. Fox practically lives with us now after his mom got put in the home. I make regular trips to my Dad’s once a month, and Fox stays with Lauren and Jay.
Fox and I are starting school in a month or so. I’m not sure what I want to do yet, and I doubt Fox knows either. He always acts like he’s so sure of himself so I can never tell. We’ve talked about getting married and having kids but I’m not sure I’m really ready for that. We’re so young and I still care for Lauren the same as I did when Luke was alive.
I’ve grown up a lot more than I already had in the last few months. Lauren is starting first grade soon. She’s so smart, and already so grown up. She’s become a little woman before I was aware of what was happening. She adores Fox, and she respects him almost as much as she respects me. It’s good for her to have a male role model in her life. I probably could have benefitted from one, to be completely honest.
A little while after Luke died, I finally got around to calling CiCi’s mom. Fox and I met with her over coffee.
“Taylor,” she said, “Hi. I’m Renee.”
“Come in,” I had said, my voice shaking slightly.
“I would have brought CiCi with me but I didn’t know what you wanted to talk about and I honestly didn’t know if you wanted her here.”
“Renee, this is my boyfriend, Fox. He’s going to sit with us if that’s okay?”
“Oh sure, that’s fine.”
“Sorry to call you here so unexpectedly,” I said, “I just needed to know how you handled everything.”
“Well, obviously our outcomes were a little different. I know what it was like, though, going through chemo and the pills and the hair loss. I don’t know how I handled it, honest, I guess I just took it as it came, you know? Death isn’t really something you ‘handle’ it’s something you come to terms with.”
She explained how CiCi’s life will never be “normal” and how much they’ve had to sacrifice. I realized then how much I sacrificed the last few months- even the last few years- how much of it I just let fly by. If I had a choice, the only thing I would change is Luke’s outcome being the same as CiCi’s. After meeting with Renee, however, I realize now how much of my life I have ahead of me. I’m going back to school, I can get a job again, I can move out and now be tied down. I’m glad for this milestone, and I’m even gladder that I can grow as a person from it. Death, while it may seem like a downtrodden time, may actually lead to something amazing, and I am proof of that.