I'll miss you | Meredith (Merluca)

Chapter 2

The next day | 5 days after Andrew died

"Hey, can I come in?" Amelia asked softly while she carefully opened the door to get inside Meredih's hospital room.

She had looked at her sister through the window for a few minutes. Richard had told her earlier that she had wanted to be alone. And she knew her sister well enough to give her the space she asked for, and so she gave her a few hours to be for herself, but she also wanted to try to be there for her now.

Amelia knew how hard Derek's death had hit Meredith almost seven years ago. She knew how much her sister had loved him and how hard it was for her to move on, and even harder to give herself another chance to love. But Andrew had found a way into her heart, he had made her fall in love again. And while she didn't know how Meredith's and Andrew's relationship had been in the end, she knew that Meredith has truly loved him and that she has deeply cared for him until she last saw him.

"I don't want to talk right now." Meredith answered still with her back towards Amelia before she slowly turned around signaling her at the same time that she didn't want her to leave again either.

"You don't need to talk. I-" Amelia answered quietly while she went over to her sister, sitting down next to her bed. "I don't know if this helps you right now, but... When Derek died and you let me hear his last message, he spoke onto your mailbox... Just hearing his voice one more time... It helped me." Amelia paused for a moment looking at her sister. When she noticed her slightly confused look she explained "Because of Covid there was no funeral, but Richard set up a memorial for Andrew. And- I asked him if he could send me the video they played... Maybe it helps you." She finished softly hoping that it would help her just a little bit. And maybe it didn't help against the pain she felt right now, but she hoped it would help her in the future, just like hearing Derek's voice had helped her get a little more closure than she had felt before.

"When was the memorial?"

"Two days ago."

"I wish I had been there." Meredith answered while a tear was falling out her eye, slowly rolling down her cheek.

"You were there. They made sure you could hear the memorial over the tablet. You weren't awake. But... you were there." Amelia tried to give her a small smile.

They kept sitting there in silence for a while, Meredith turned her head in the opposite direction for a moment, getting lost in her thoughts for some time, while a few tears fell down her face, before she turned towards Amelia again.

"Do you want to see it?" Her sister asked softly.

"I- Yeah... But..." Meredith tried to put her thoughts into a sentence, but failed, not able to think clearly. And she was thankful when she saw her sister nod slightly showing her that she understood what she wanted to say.

"I will leave you alone. Take the time you need, Mer." Amelia answered, while she opened the e-mail with the memorial before she left her sister alone, to give her the space and time to watch the memorial; to grieve the person who had made her love and feel loved again; to give her time to say goodbye to Andrew.

...

Meredith laid there for a while, just staring at the screen in front of her. She wanted to see it. She felt like she needed to see it and at the same time... She was scared. She was scared to feel the pain. She was scared for it to become real. She was scared to have to say goodbye. She didn't want to say goodbye.

She gave herself a few more moments before she took the tablet and turned herself around, so she was lying sideways, with her back to the door, wanting to have some privacy - as much as you could get in a hospital. And then she hit 'play' and the memorial video started.