Here we go again. lmao
Yn = Your name
TW selfharm
My dad and I were the last month in California because he had an important business meeting there. So that I haven't seen my boyfriend Marcus since that. We were a couple for 4 months and until now I can't believe he's in love with me. What I mean is that he had a lot of girls before me and they weren't a real relationship.
When we came back home the first thing I asked my dad was if we could to my school. And after 15 times I asked he said yes! The hole time I had the biggest smile on my face I ever had. I wanted to suprise him. When we arrived there I walked straight to the court were we always stood after class or during a free hour. I looked over to Maxine and I thought she would be happy to see me but she looked more nervous than anything else. She walked up to me and tried to cover something up or to distract me. I was a bit confused and we all new she was sometimes a bit crazy but this behavior didn't quite suit her. "Okay. What do you want? Or better, whats wrong with you Max?" She tried to speak but in the end "Erm, I-i,.." only came out. I pushed her a bit away so that I could see what she's hiding. And in this moment I really wished I hadn't did that. Marcus and Ginny stood there. And kissed.
No more words came out of my mouth. I wasn't really suprised I was more dissapointed. I did so much for this ass. I tried to cheer him up, was always there when he needed someone to talk to and spent so much time with and for him.
At this moment it was to much for me and I only said to Max: "You can tell your brother that were are over." I turned around and walked as fast as I could to the car. Before I got inside I wipped the thousand tears away and put the best fake smile on I could do. I always did this in so many situations and nobody really ever cares about me.
At home I was alone. So I could let out my anger and what I felt. I changed my clothes so that I felt better.
*Imagine this one*
I really love this one. My mom sent me this two years ago and since that I worn it like thousand times. Its comfortable and hides my wounds on my arms and legs. It is what it is. I always do this if I can't find a way out. I can't talk to anyone about this. My dad is only fixed on his job and my mom I don't see very often. And no one ever noticed yet.
I was so angry about myself. I ran over to my desk and tried to found a knife, razor or lighter. And after a long time I found a razor. I put it on my arm and first drove carefully about it and then harder and deeper. There was a lot of blood and in this moment I didn't noticed and did it so long until I felt a bit better. I sat there many minutes and waited until it stoped, so that I could cover my arm again. Then I saw the pictures of Marcus and me on my shelf. I took them and threw it in the rubbish bin. "What are you doing?" A hand laied on my shoulder and I winced. I tried to get out of this grip, what I did but then the hand grabbed my hand. "Come on. Whats wrong baby?" I looked up into the brown eyes of Marcus and of course I felt some butterflies in my stomach but I really tried to hide it. "Why do you care about? Didn't Maxine tell you?" He let out a deep breath and didn't broke the eye contact. "Yeah she did. But I can't believe her." I rolled my eyes back and in this moment his lips tried to attack mine, but I took a step back. "You really wanted to kiss me? Is Ginny no longer good enough?" I said a bit bitchie. "Oh you saw it.." I wasn't sure what I should said right now and he seemed to saw it in my face.
"Let me explain plea-" "No. I don't wanna hear it." He grabbed my arm a bit harder and twisted my face. He looked worried at me and relaxed a bit. "Show me your arm. Now." I shook my head like 'please no' and I felt how my eyes filled with tears. His also. Without any warning he rolled up my sleeve and saw it. My old and new scars. The tears ran down my cheeks and I was so scared of his reaction. He leaned down to my arm and kissed some of the scars until I pulled my arm away. "I can't do this now. Leave me alone. Please." "No I wont." With the last word a could speak I said: "Please.!"
And then he climbed out of my window. I broke down. I never wanted that anyone see that. What did he would think about me now?
__________________________
Part 2 guys?
Everyone who struggle with self harm, eating disorder or something like this. You can write to me. I also struggle with this and I think we can help each other.
I'm very proud of everyone who's here another day and who did it today and the past days. Your not alone. I love youu ♡
