I'll miss you | Meredith (Merluca)

Chapter 6

3 weeks later | 1 month after Andrew's death

Meredith was back at work. And the first half of the day everything had gone well, or at least she has been distracted enough seeing patients again and being back in the OR for her to leave everything that has happened aside for just a moment. Work had always been her escape, but sometimes it wasn't enough.

She had operated on a little girl with Dr. Hayes, and it seemed like everything was going well for most part of the surgery... until everything started to go wrong. They couldn't save her.

They informed the parents and then she just wanted to be as far away from that spot as possible and she only stopped when she found herself in one of the staircases of the hospital. She wanted to scream, she wanted to hit something, but she didn't. Instead, she let a few tears roll down her face, which she quickly wiped away when she heard someone following her.

"Hey, Grey." It was Hayes, who gently tried to get her attention, but she didn't turn around to see him. Right now, she wanted to be alone. Or at least not him following her.

"There was nothing we could do to save her." He started again, having stopped behind her.

"That's what you said when you decided that Andrew was dead?" She snapped at him while she quickly turned towards him, feeling the rage bubbling up inside her. She knew he was right; she knew they did everything to save Andrew, and she also knew that Hayes wasn't even on his case... And yet... She couldn't help herself but be enraged because Andrew was still dead and everything she wished for was for him to be there with her right now.

Hayes stayed silent for some time, giving her a moment to feel what she needed to feel, to collect herself again, before he started again "Let me help you. You're too important to me to just leave you like that."

"Are you serious right now?" Meredith turned around to look at him disbelieving, her red eyes wide open, while she felt a few tears that she had tried to hold back fall out with a mixture of shock and anger coming up inside her.

"You're not okay." He stopped for a moment "And I won't lie to you. I... like you. But let me help you. You have just lost a person you clearly still loved. It's okay not to be okay. Please, just let me know how I can help. As a friend or co-worker."

"You can't." And then she turned around and tried to walk down the last few steps to get away from any people, only stopping when she heard her phone signaling that she had gotten a new message.

She quickly took it out to see who it was, when she saw that it was a text message from Carina.

'Hello Meredith, do you have time to meet the next few days? I would like to give you some things I found going through Andrea's things.' - Carina DeLuca

She didn't know how to react, already feeling emotionally overwhelmed by this situation right now.

"Grey." Hayes tried to get her attention "Meredith." He tried again and this time he got through to her.

She put her phone away again without answering when she heard Hayes walking down the few steps she had gone down seconds ago and once again stopped behind her, but this time giving her a little more space. "You know that they would want-" She didn't let him finish.

"Don't tell me what they would want for me. I- I know that..." She looked up for a short moment before she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself down and continued a little calmer "If I know anything for sure than that Andrew and Derek would want me to be happy. But... It's something that seems to be very far away right now... And I... I don't know what happiness will look like for me in the future. I just- right now I can't. And I don't know if I can be tomorrow or in a few weeks or in two months or a year. Just- Right now- I can't." And only then she felt that she was crying when all her tears fell down.

"Okay." Hayes answered reassuringly before he took a step towards her, waiting again for a moment as if to ask her if it was okay if he got closer now. And this time she let him.

He stopped next to her, he didn't touch her or embrace her, he just kept standing next to her for a moment in silence, giving her some time to clear her thoughts.

"Could you tell Bailey that I need a few more days?" Meredith asked after wiping away her tears, carefully looking up at him.

"Yes." He answered, giving her a small smile, glad that she let him help her in some way.

"Thank you." She added quickly before she made her way upstairs again, leaving Hayes behind.

"Where are you going?"

She didn't answer. She needed to be alone there.

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End of chapter 6

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I feel like I have a hate/like relationship with Hayes... I have nothing against him in general... I just don't really like him with Meredith (romantically)... but I think he could be a good friend (maybe)... But what bothers me right now is that Andrew just died and it feels like they already try to push Hayes and Mer together... And I just really hope that they give Mer some time... Because no matter what they were to each other in the end, Andrew was the person Meredith loved after Derek died and she deeply cared about him until the end, so I hope they give her time to grieve before she moves on...

Thanks for reading!