I'll miss you | Meredith (Merluca)

Chapter 5

The next day | Almost 2 weeks after Andrew died

It was still early, but Meredith couldn't sleep anymore. And every time she opened her eyes and she saw the other side of her bed, empty, she was reminded again that she would never get a chance again to figure things out with Andrew. She would never wake up next to him again.

That's why she had gotten up and went downstairs in hope to be able to escape reality for a moment, but she couldn't because with his death he had left so many spots in her life that felt empty without him. He had been the person who made her fall in love again, who slowly became a part of her family and now... he was gone.

Her kids were still asleep. So, Meredith had carefully gone down the stairs and had sat down on the couch in the living room. She was still sitting there, lost in her thoughts, not noticing that her sister had come downstairs as well.

"Good morning." Amelia said softly when she saw her sister on the couch. But she didn't get a response, because Meredith was too deep in her own mind.

"Hey." Amelia tried again, this time carefully touching her shoulder to get her attention, making Meredith jump at the touch. And only then she saw her red eyes from having cried in the night.

"Mer, what are you doing here?" Amelia asked softly, sitting down beside her when she noticed how bad her sister was really feeling. She knew Meredith didn't feel well, she knew Andrew's death has been hard on her, but it still hit her to see her sister so sad.

"I- I'm okay." Meredith tried to answer while wiping away her tears in a hopeless attempt.

"Mer..." Amelia started again. They both knew that she liked to pretend otherwise when she wasn't feeling well "I have heard you yesterday... I know that you're not okay. And it's okay not to be okay right now." She continued calmly, hoping her sister would let her be there for her.

They stayed in silence for some time. And for now, Amelia was just glad that Meredith didn't walk away, that she gave up pretending to be fine when she so clearly wasn't; that she let herself not be okay for a moment.

"Carina called me yesterday..." Amelia started again after another moment "She couldn't reach you..."

Meredith started to look around, searching for her phone. When she saw it lying on the table in front of her, she took it to see if she had gotten a message.

"I- I didn't see it..." She showed Amelia her phone, telling her that she hadn't seen the call yesterday.

"It's okay." Amelia assured her "She gave me the place of Andrew's grave." She said softly.

Meredith looked at her for a moment before she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down again.

"Do you want to visit his grave?"

"I'm not sure I can..."

"Why?" Amelia asked carefully.

"I-" Meredith stopped, trying to find a way to express what she felt. And Amelia gave her that time, hoping she would continue "There are some things I wish I could have said to him. Things I wish I had told him before he..." She trailed off, not able to finish her sentence. She took a deep breath before she added "I- I am scared. I don't want him to be gone."

Amelia got a little closer to Meredith to embrace her, feeling how her sister slowly let herself lean against her, how Meredith let her head rest on her shoulder...

.

"Bailey asked after Andrew yesterday..." Meredith started after a while, sitting up a little more again, looking into the room.

"Did you tell them?"

"I- I couldn't..." She sighed before she added "They were so happy... They were dancing... And eating gelato..." A small smile appeared on her lips in between the few tears that started to roll down her face.

They kept sitting there in silence for a few moments, while Amelia held her in her half-embrace.

"We will be here for you and the kids." Amelia added softly.

"Thank you."

.

A few moments later they heard the kids come downstairs. Meredith took a deep breath, while wiping away her tears, looking at Amelia for a moment not knowing what to do, not knowing if she was ready to tell them yet. Amelia gave her an encouraging nod before she stood up to give Meredith some space to talk to her kids.

"Mommy, are you okay?" Zola was the first to come into the living room, seeing her mom sitting on the couch.

"Come here, Zozo." Meredith motioned her daughter to join her on the couch, taking her in her arms as soon as she sat down next to her. "Come Bailey, Ellis." She called her other two children once they appeared in the living room, hugging them as well once they went over to her, sitting down on the couch with her.

"What is wrong, mommy?" Ellis asked this time, looking at her mom.

"I- I need to tell you something." Meredith started "Andrew won't be coming anymore." She said as she was fighting against her tears.

"But you said he would come back when he was feeling better again." Bailey answered sadly.

"Andrew won't be here anymore because he... Andrew died." And if she didn't already have tears in her eyes, she would have now seeing her kids' shocked and sad expressions.

"I want you to know that he would have loved to come back and see you again. He loved spending time with you." Meredith tried to find her words, knowing how much Andrew had not just cared about her but also about her kids. He had loved them.

"He is up there with all the stars now." Meredith added, looking towards the sky.

"Like daddy?" Zola asked quietly, looking at her with sadness in her eyes.

"Yes, like daddy." She confirmed, hugging her kids a little closer "Your daddy will always be with you, and I'm sure that Andrew will also look out for you. He loved you a lot."

"I wish they were here." Zola answered.

"Me too, Zozo."

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End of chapter 5

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Thank you for reading!!