Tell Me What You Know

Chapter 1.

Ryan:

For a long period of time I knew I wasn't afraid to die. Honestly, the thought of an ending was shocking to me, most importantly the way the ending came to pass. I was consumed with the need to know why and for years it's all I wanted to know about, until the answers devoured me. Once I turned sixteen I asked myself-are these people making up another reality after death to remove the fear of things not going the way they'd hope ? Then that consumed me as well. All in all, I was a really depressed child. The constant trauma and fear I was under only made me more afraid for my future, and fear of everything falling apart ate at me in the worst of ways.

Until I fell in Love.

For some reason, it changed me. No, it didn't take away that depression and good ole anxiety, but it gave me these images of my future that allowed me to think outside of myself. And for so long, that's who I was taught to take care of. I was on Cloud9 all the time,

And then he left

Now I know it's definitely an overestimation to say he left me in worst shape than I was when he found me, but it's definitely an understatement. I was so broken and now I had reasons. I wasn't just creating those fears off of my own imagination, seeking them myself, I was living a real life horror movie... I am living a real life horror movie —

Ashton:

I am done. I am literally SO done. It's the third time this week someone has dropped the plans we made together, it feels like the hundredth time someone's disregarded me. Everything seemed to go so well but nothing lasted, and now I'm starting to look In the mirror differently.all my life that's been my issue. A break up here, a cancellation there, depression here and there. I wanted to admit I was spiraling out of control but I was for sure that I had already spiraled out of reach and now it's just the remaining pieces cracking around me. Do people not know how much it hurts? When they leave me for no reason, even when I try.. or do they not understand? I'm not perfect yeah I'm far from it but damn.

When you cancel on someone who clears their whole day and or life to experience time with you to you it's just a minor inconvenience to them, but to that person it shows just how little you really do care about them. 

I was for certain my heart was completely shattered, but I just keep trying constantly to put those pieces back together. I keep trying to be what everyone needs because I know what it's like to not have anyone to come home to. No one to tell about your good days and your bad days. And now, now I'm sure I'm obsessed with the mindset of helping those who can't help themself—

But who's helping me ?