I'll miss you | Meredith (Merluca)

Chapter 7

A few minutes later | 1 month after Andrew died

Meredith quickly went up the last few stairs before she opened the door and finally felt like she could breathe again. This was where she wanted to be.

She just wished he were here with her. On this rooftop.

Ever since Andrew had taken her up here, and they shared their first real kiss, this place felt different to her. It had gotten a meaning. And now it was a place where she felt like she could be closer to him.

She felt the chilly air around her, making her shiver slightly. She put her coat a little tighter around her and went over to the railing, to the place where they had kissed the first time. She carefully leaned against it, looking over Seattle.

The lights from the city were shining already as the sun has just disappeared at the horizon. And the stars were already visible on the night sky. She looked up for a moment, taking a deep breath before she closed her eyes, letting everything that has happened sink in for a while.

When she opened her eyes again, she felt a few tears rolling down her face again. But here on this rooftop, she let them fall. Andrew had always let her feel whatever she needed to feel. He had always given her the space to feel what she needed to feel. When she wasn't feeling well but also when she needed time and it meant for him to wait for her for months until she finally let him kiss her, until she was able to admit that she loved him too. He had waited for her and he had always been there for her.

"I... I..." Meredith tried to say something but stopped again. She couldn't.

She didn't want him to be gone forever.

She kept observing the city in front of her for some time, going through her thoughts, going through the memories with Andrew...

...When he had taken her to this rooftop, and she had let him kiss her for the first time. The way he had been holding her in his arms, his hands around her body, resting on her back, gently keeping her close, while he had deepened their kiss. He had made her feel home and safe. And when he had slightly pulled away for them to get some air, while at the same time keeping her in his embrace, the way he had looked at her, his intense gaze, while he had tilted his head ever so slightly, like he always used to do when he had been around her. He had made her feel loved...

...She would give everything to be in his arms again.

She took a deep breath, feeling some more tears falling down her face at the memory.

She stayed silent for a few more minutes before she took a deep breath trying to find the courage inside her to speak to him.

"I... I miss you, Andrew." She stated a bit hesitantly, looking at the sky in front of her.

[I miss you, too.]

"I'm scared." She admitted, letting out a small sigh, closing her eyes for a moment "I'm scared to let you go." She added turning towards the stars again.

[It'll be okay, Mer.]

She wanted to let him rest in peace. She wasn't mad at him. She knew he would still be here if he could... And yet, letting him go and accepting that she would never see him again was one of the hardest things to do. Because he had been the person who had been able to make her fall in love again, who was able to make her want to feel loved again and now... He had been much more than just a friend. She had loved him. She still did.

"I love you."

[I love you, too.]

There was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to share with him, but she couldn't. Not in that moment. She wasn't ready to let him go.

She looked at the sky for a few more minutes, wanting to feel closer to him for a little longer.

Then she wiped away the tears that had been falling down, looking up at the sky one more time before she took a deep breath and went inside again, on her way home to be with her kids.

...

When she laid down a little later that evening and wanted to turn off the alarm for the next day, she saw the message Carina had sent her again. She opened it, read it another time and then answered her. 

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End of Chapter 7

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1 month without Andrew... 😭😭