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BALANCING RELATIONSHIP 101

I don't know kung alam niyo ito pero siguro ay maiintindihan niyo. People think that going into a relationship would just be fine. We have been trying to find a relationship, a stable relationship when we don't know what it really takes to make it stable. Ngayon ko nga lang na-realize. So, here I am, sharing one of my worst encounters with my boyfriend.

Ian is a loyal guy. He's great in acads, and is active in sports too. He's family-oriented. He's obedient and responsible. You can tell that he was raised by a queen. I, on the other hand, am quite the opposite. I may be great in acads and in sports, but I am not responsible, especially with my actions. Loyal ako, oo, pero napakadali sa akin na magtaka. Yes, palagi. I wasn't raised by my family. I raised myself.

We've been together for 4 years, at sa apat na taon, I've been doubting him. Our fights were mostly because of me. Sometimes kasi, makikita ko siya kasama ang mga babaeng kaibigan niya. I told him to stay away from them or at least man lang, dumistansiya, pero hindi siya nakinig.

Kaibigan lang naman sila, diba? Bakit kung maka-akta ay boyfriend and girlfriend ang datingan? That afternoon, nag away kami. It was my first time leaving the university without notice. Hindi man lang ako nagpaalam sa mga teachers.

I went straight to my apartment at doon, inilabas ko ang mga emosyon ko. Palagi nalang akong ganito. Dahil nanginginig ako, nabasag ko yung vase. Matapos ng ilang sandali, natapakan ko na rin ang sirang vase. Napasigaw ako sa sakit at napaluha muli. Amp, ang sakit.

I thought he would come and solve things out. Akala ko, hahabulin niya ako. I thought he would apologize for making me doubt, but I realized I was at fault. The next day, pumasok ako.

Dumeretso ako sa dean's office at nakitang tumatawa siya kasama si Julia, ang matalik niyang kaibigan. Tahimik akong umupo sa gilid habang inaayos ang sarili. Hindi ako nakatulog sa kaiisip sa mga nagawang kasalanan ko. Hindi rin ako kumain. Late na akong gumising. After I woke up, I fixed my living room. I find walking, difficult. Sinugatan ko naman ang sarili ko.

"What happened to you, miss Navarro? Are you feeling unwell?" tanong ng professor ko. Maiintindihan niya, pero pinili kong itago.

"W-wala prof, pressured lang sa mid-term," I lied. Why would I be pressured eh kasama ko naman si Ian? Ah, hindi nga pala kami bati.

"Ikaw? Pressured? Isa kang sinungaling!" sumingit naman ang mga kaibigan ko na sina Anne at Gracie.

"Paano naman kaming mga bobo?" Sinamaan ko nalang sila ng tingin bago umalis. Pupunta sana ako sa room nang hinatak ako ni Ian papunta sa cafeteria.

"What happened to your feet? May masakit ba? Nilalagnat ka? Come here, let me comb your hair," hindi ako nagsalita at hinayaan lang siyang ayusin ako. Lagi lang naman niyang ginagawa kaya nasanay ako. Every time we fight, he's always there to fix things. Kaya napaisip ako, paano kung mag break kami? Would I learn to take care of myself? I'm always dependent on him.

"Woi, talk to me. Faye, please talk to me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," malungkot ang kaniyang mata nang tinitigan ko ito, kaya napaiwas ako nang tingin. I started to feel blameworthy.