Fill the silence | Itafushi

The Day

TW: swearing, self-harm mention, depressed tougths, mention of cuts.

Megumi's POV

My mind wakes up in the morning, as if it has its own schedule, but unlike it, my body does not want to wake up.

I try to open my eyes, but I close them again quickly as soon as I beam of light strikes them like a sword.

I'm tired... Maybe because I know what day it is... Lately I've been tired, tired of waking up, tired of living... But I know I have to do it... I have to do it for him...

After a few minutes of deciding whether to get up or not, I gain enough strength to do so.

I pick up my cell phone that rests on my nightstand to see the time, even though I know what time it is, I always wake up at the same hour... He used to make fun of me for that...

Putting my phone down again, without actually confirming the time, I make my way to the small bathroom next to my room.

Avoiding to look at the mirror, I bend my head to wash my face with the cold water of the morning.

As soon as I look up I find myself with the same reflection that I have been hating for years... The dark circles under my eyes are now more visible, and my black hair was tousled more than I had ever seen...

I let out a heavy breath, passing my hand over my face and making an effort to remove my clothes and get into the shower.

He would hate to see me like this...

When cold water hits my back I have no reaction. It is as if my body has stopped feeling. Not even when the water and shampoo passed the cuts on my arms that used to make me swear with pain... now they just felt like little mosquito bites...I feel numb.

After washing myself enough not to look bad, I grab a towel and leave the bathroom, making my way back to the bedroom and dressing the clothes that Gojo had left me chosen. It was a simple black suit... Perfect for days like today...

Picking up the keys and putting my phone in my pocket, I leave the house, feeling the sun hit me in the face again, this time with more intensity since it was not just a few small rays.

I look at the sky, it was clean and beautiful, it looked like it was making fun of me, making fun of today.

Continuing to walk I pass places that I used to go, that I used to love, and that now only bring me memories that I feel I need to forget.

The little shop where I used to buy him chocolates. The coffee to where he dragged me every afternoon to be able to drink his favorite smoothie.  The train station where we met... And now, the church where we wanted to get married...

"Hello dear, thank you for coming, I know you were one of the most important people he had in his life..."

I look at the sad woman who spoke, without showing any feelings. I don't know what to feel, or what to say... So I just nod, watching as she used the tissue to wipe away tears and moved to the person who had come in after me.

I look at all these people and the only feeling I could feel was anger...
Where were they when he was suffering?
Where were they when he needed support!?
Where were they when he was still alive?...

I clench my fists tightly, making my knuckles turn white, but I keep my expression indifferent.

"Hey Fushiguro" I don't turn around to look at her. I know the owner of that voice without needing to see her face. She is one of the only ones here who was actually there for him besides me, and the older couple close to us.

I kept my fists closed and my eyes on the coffin at the back of the room, surrounded by people who pretended to care.

"I know this is a difficult day, and that these people irritate you...They also irritate me. But we need to remain calm. For him."

I feel her hand on my shoulder and just nod again, afraid that if I open my mouth to say something the words will come out torn.

After all the fake people arrive, we sit and hear the priest's words, before it comes my turn to speak.

I hate to talk. He used to speak for me. He never cared if I was quiet, he always filled the silence between us...

But now I needed to speak. I needed to express what little was left of the feelings that were still in my heart, even if no one here wanted to know, I needed to say it... I needed to tell them what happened.

I look at all those people, my hands are shaking and I feel a weight in my throat. None of them cared, and now they all look sad. He didn't need people like that.

My eyes meet Nobara's that returns the stare and sends me a sad smile. At least she's here.

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath and clearing my throat, I am doing this for him.

"As most of you know, my name is Fushiguro Megumi, I am...or I was... Yuji's boyfriend... and this is the story about how I found and lost my first love."