To Remember

8

"So Thomas, how have you been?"

"I've never been better."

It was the truth. These past few months have been amazing for me mentally and physically. My sessions with August was going great, I got back about 95 percent of mobility rate in my legs. I'm pretty much myself again. I'm working everyday with my friends, my family. I'm always looking for a way to help someone on the island. Even my days off with the boys and Brenda are almost too perfect.  This was exactly how I imagined my life in the Safe Haven would be. Well almost exactly.

"It's the truth." I told her coming out of my train of thought.

"Hmmm." Dr. Royce hummed before she wrote something down in her little blue notebook. I hated that book, it's the one thing that makes me come back to these sessions every now and then. It's like it's writing out my future with every word I say, every decision I make, and every look I take.

"The intensity in your stare is not going to make this process go by any faster." She spoke up without looking up at me.

"Oh come on you've seen my progress it's all in my file." I said leaning forward in my chair. "My strength is back, I'm active, social, I'm pretty much myself again. I don't know why I have to keep coming here. I'm fine."

"Well from what you and I both know you have ptsd. These sessions help you with that. I've also been told you still get mood swings, you get angry and lash out."

"It's not for little things anymore." I interrupted. "I'm getting a grip on my mood swings."

Dr. Royce started at me. She took her glasses off, she did this anytime she was going to get serious. "I know you have nightmares even though every time I ask if you've had one, you simply say no."

Who could've told her that? Brenda. She's the only one who could possibly know I still have those.

"When was your last nightmare?" She asked me.

"I don't know. A few nights ago, maybe, I'd hardly call it mightmare." I crossed my arms up to my chest. How could Brenda rat me out like that? She knew how I felt about all of this.

"Was it about the maze?"

"No."I responded bluntly.

It was about her. Always about her.

"The accident maybe?" She pressed on. "Seems logical."

"No." I told her again, my voice rising slightly.

"Do you remember the accident?"

"No I don't remember."

"Perhaps you aren't letting yourself remember?"

"No you don't understand! I haven't gotten any answers! I've tried and I got nothing okay!? I just don't know!" I said through my teeth. She really knew how to push the right buttons. Or better yet the wrong ones.

"Maybe asking certain people about what happened will put your mind at ease."

"The only two people that could possibly know anything are dead." I spat.