[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 11

virago: a strong, brave, or war-like woman

» lee taeyong's pov // morning »

i woke up, feeling somebody's arms around me. of course, i knew who it was. i turned my body and faced her, the love of my life. she was gently snoring, and again i wondered, why did she pick me? i would never make her happy.

but i couldn't stop my heart from beating three times faster after seeing her face in the morning. how long has it been since we've cuddled? how long has it been since i expressed my love?

my words from yesterday were like a slap in the face.

i don't love you, i had said. why would i say that? how much had i hurt her? i loved her so, so much, and that was the biggest lie i could have ever said. 

i sighed, and kissed her forehead. she mumbled a bit, and i smiled. carefully, to not wake her up, i got off the bed to get ready for work. i packed my papers in a suitcase, along with my other office supplies. getting my office suit from the closet, i went over to the bathroom and took a shower. the warm water was a gentle way to wake up, and i found myself feeling content.

i wasn't exactly jumping for joy to work at an office, but i didn't wake up with dread each morning, either, like i knew my co-workers did. they often complained with loud yawns and wasting as much time as possible by walking around. i couldn't understand how they weren't fired yet. the job was boring, yes, but it was just a job to me; a way to take care of ara and i. often, because of how unexciting it was, i found myself occupied with thinking about ara.

when i had finished changing, i entered the kitchen. like usual, i started the coffee machine and got some sliced up fruit for myself. i noticed that the kitchen was particularly shiny, today. did ara scrub the kitchen this well? i shrugged it off. i worked, and she did the housework. it was only fair.

i opened the fridge to get my meal for work. i found the food easily; the food ara had prepared for me, with a note. the meal was just some rice and meat, with vegetables on the side. being attentive, ara had even added instructions on how to heat it up on the side, and little packet of soy sauce. the food wasn't what caught my attention, though. it was the note.

huh. everyday she wrote me a note, a simple 'have a nice day' or 'eat well!'. i usually ignored them. but today, there was a different note.

'i hate you.'

i didn't know how to feel. self-pity? understanding? i released a big sigh, and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes.

i hate me too, ara.

but today, i'd make her not hate me. today, i would love her.

——

» lee taeyong's pov »

i made her breakfast with all her favorite food. french toast, some fruit, and an egg, which was scrambled. she had always been fancy, saying that it made her feel like royalty. i had always laughed at that, saying, "yes, your highness!".

or, at least, i used to.

another thought struck me: when was the last time we had laughed together? did i even smile at her, anymore? i shook my head to free myself of these thoughts. i would make up for it; somehow i would. these promises filled my head with something to do. i had gotten up earlier than usual, so i knew i had plenty of time.

i put all the food on a fancy plate with the cute pink bears. it had been my gift to her so many years ago. three? two? she always said that it was her favorite. when the first plate broke, i bought her another immediately, with the whole set. she must have forgotten that she broke it in the first place. the corners of my mouth tilted up at the idea.

i walked into the bedroom and saw her still snoring. setting down the plate on the cabinet beside her, i took the chance to admire her. but something else concerned me.

her hands were above her hand, so her shirt was lifted up. and...she was so skinny. i could count all her ribs, all twelve of them. this wasn't the normal diet, even with the strict beauty standards.

when was the last time she had eaten?

just as i was about to wake her up, her face crumpled and she began to whimper.

"taeyong! don't!"

i paled.

"ara..."