I hate myself. The way I look. The way I talk. The way I don't know what I want from life.
But I can't hurt. I can't cry. Because a year ago today you helped me find a reason to go on. And now your in pain and I can't find a single thing to say that can make that pain go away for you like you did for me.
I can't be the support system you need because I don't have the words to make you stay. Like you did for me.
And I know the world is better with you in it but I can't keep you here like you did for me.
Has the world been better with me here? Why'd you fight so hard to keep me here when I've accomplished nothing in this year. Why can't you see that your the best thing that's ever happened to me and that you need to stay.
You're an incredible person and you can't see it.
You're fighting within yourself about who you are and how you've changed but what if being with me is the part that changed you and is what's making you want to go.
I can't make you stay.
I'm not strong enough to let you go if it's what you need but you would never tell me anyway.
But it's your time to hurt and my turn to heal but I can't find the words, and every time I stop to think I can't breathe.
You're pushing farther away realizing that I can't help you like you helped me and I'm sitting on the bathroom floor not able to breathe.
You find help elsewhere with people that have the words and I'm happy for you and I hope they can help because I don't think I can.
It's been a year.
I should be able to breathe and I should have the encouraging words. But I just don't. And I hate myself for it.
I love you and it's you're turn to hurt and my turn to listen if you'll let me. You help me be able to breathe and I want to be able to help you stay.
Please stay.
