i am who I am

me and who I am

When I was a baby love confounded my mother who was only seventeen, still only a child herself; who hasn't gone out and accomplished goals or dreams but the cards she was dealt was already cruel. She lost her mother at a young age, her father and her didn't get along, she was tossed around in the foster care system, and wasn't very close to many family members. The main one she was close to was her grandmother; who was her only mother figure.

From all that curiosity of young teen. My mother liked to party, and she tried all variety of drugs for a high or to numb pain of life I assume..was never to sure, but drugs of choice that she stuck with even to this day meth and bud and alcohol. It upset me that she would choose that life over me but I'd just have to accept she would forever be stuck in that Peter pan world.

Luckily for me she was brave and smart enough to ask her best friend and her friends family if they'd be willing to take me? And my great grandmother helped her with her discission. A part of me thinks maybe she would've just left me there so I wouldn't be a burden to anyone...Cause I was jaundice, and I had asthma and maybe she thought what if later they change their minds. What then? My grandma's old and I cant take care of a baby?! Or maybe not maybe she didn't have that thought I'll never know. all I do know is my great grandma helped her and talked with her to give me to her best friends family which they agreed to, because she knew she couldn't take care of a child she couldn't even take care of herself.

When it did come right down to it my father told my mother and his sister; my mom's best friend and the family that he was going to take care of me. Mind you he is not my biological and he didn't have no reason or obligation to raise me but he did anyway. He choose me and fought for me.

My father was 20 years old, single proud gay man. Who dispute is struggles and being young and just starting to go for his goals and dreams decided to raise me and love me unconditionally and give me a chance at a better life. For that I will be forever grateful.

Now through out my life I have struggled myself with being cognitively delayed, having a mother who is lesbian and a gay father, I myself being bisexual. Along with being a female native american growing up in a primarily white town with a hint of racism. I've also struggled with alcohol, drugs and depression.

However; the women through out my life that I've met have taught me that with faith, strength, and independence that you can make it through anything. Through losing loved ones whether it be losing partners, miscarriages, or family. Can make it through abuse and can survive near death experiences and If you can make it through the pain you can make it through anything dispute your cards your delt.

You can be a women with scares, and different colors and be a tomboy or a girly girl or goth or you can be skinny or fluffy all different shapes and sizes tall or short dispute whatever struggles you go through from single mother or two spirited. you put on your war paint and go out in this world cruel as it maybe sometimes and keeping going and be amazing and strong. 

#EyesLipsFierce