A Secret In Your Throat

Chapter 2

Gerard's lips twitched into a smile as he gazed down at me. He moved his other hand, still grasping my arm, up to cup my cheek.
"You don't have to be afraid anymore. I came for you."
I couldn't take any more. I collapsed against him, feeling the familiar shape of his body. I gasped and, before I could stop them, hot tears spilled down over my cheeks.
"We never have to be apart again," he breathed into my hair, "We have all the time in the world, now. We can be together."
Gerard was here. I had failed him in so many ways, but he came. True, he wasn't warm against my body anymore, and his voice wasn't precisely how I remembered it, but it was still solidly the man I had loved.
I let myself fall, just for a little while, into this weakness for the person who sheltered me. Who sacrificed himself to save me.
Who came back for me.
Knowing I had a terrible promise that I had to keep.

***

Life over the next months changed dramatically.
We couldn't go home. Before they were killed on the air, the federal government's emergency radio personnel informed the country that blood-drinking creatures had taken over most metropolitan areas. Their assurances that they were quickly working to control the situation lost some credibility with their screams.
We drove on that night far away from Long Beach, stopping and breaking into a sporting goods store that had been ineptly barricaded and broken through in Corona. There were dead bodies, but vampires don't need camping supplies or money. They left the merchandise and moved along.
As the sun rose, the chaos seemed to subside, and we were able to stock the van with tents, firewood, first aid supplies, clothing, water, and enough non-perishable food to last us awhile.
On the way out, Lisbeth snagged a bag with a shower attachment that heated the water in the sun.
While the others kept a lookout, we stopped at a large truck stop that seemed completely abandoned and took showers, one at a time. We robbed their novelty clothing section. When I stepped out of the shower room warily, clean and scrubbed with my bobbed black hair tucked behind my ears and wearing an oversized hot pink "I Heart California" t-shirt, Gerard smirked at me.
"You look quite the tourist." he teased, dropping a NASCAR hat on my head before passing me with his novelty towel - price tags still attached - dangling over his shoulder to shower.
I was thrown off by his casual attitude in the midst of this magnitude of a crisis, but a moment later as I pulled the silly hat off my head, I appreciated the distraction. This must be how he coped.
I found Lisbeth with Ray and Mikey nearby, all of them looking less ridiculous in my opinion than I did. The two wolves howling at the moon on Ray's shirt weren't even that dorky on him.
Despite the situation, there seemed a distinct difference between us. I found out on the drive that the men were the headlining band that night, and Lisbeth was the lighting director. She was lucky to be backstage at the time of the attack. They all looked like rockstars.
I was the boyish medic they grabbed on the way because they needed me.
I did not fit in.
I crossed my arms across my chest, as Lis put her arm around my shoulders. She wore her hair natural and very close cut, almost shaved. She was tall and statuesque, and I smiled up at her. I was grateful for her warm presence.
"We're going to head for Phoenix." Ray told me, "We managed to catch a working station that said Phoenix is safe, for now. The national guard is there taking refugees from California and New Mexico."
Mikey frowned, "I think we should drive in shifts. It's stupid for us to stop and sleep at night. Isn't that when vampires are supposed to hunt? It's so quiet now."
"Phoenix is only six hours away." Lisbeth pointed out, "I think we over prepared."
"Not if Phoenix is sacked before we get there." Mikey countered.
Gerard emerged from the shower room, in a plain grey shirt and black joggers he must have found on a shelf here.
Despite the dire situation and the planning, I was surprised to find that after the blood had been washed away from him, he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen.
And he was looking at me, in my too-big t-shirt and grey hiking pants as though he thought the same.
Stupid. He definitely had to be looking at Lisbeth, who was glamorous even in her own mismatched outfit. As these thoughts passed, Lis reached over and tied my shirt in the back at the bottom into a knot, so it fitted me a little better.
I didn't mind.
"Ready to go, doc?" Gerard asked me, taking the hat from my hand and swatting me lightly with it.
I frowned, "I'm not a doctor." I mumbled, "I'm not even a nurse."
"Closest we got right now. 'Sides, it's easier than saying 'Ray' and both of you going HUH?" He smirked and passed me by. I frowned a little as they headed for the door, then ran down a couple of aisles and cleaned them out of their superglue and sewing kits.
Might as well live up to his hype if one of them needed stitches.
I insisted we stop at a nearby liquor store and took several bottles of vodka.
"Partying hard?" Mikey asked me sarcastically from where he sat by Lis. Ray was now driving, Gerard in the passengers seat.
I shook my head, taking the nylon thread and tossing it aside, and winding the thin fishing line I'd chosen at the REI we burglarized into the first aid kit. "You'll thank me to have sterile instruments if you need them. Don't drink the vodka."
Ray spoke up then, "I think we should camp out in the desert tonight. I don't think we should go to Phoenix this early."
Silence met this pronouncement.
"Look," he continued, "The national guard has Phoenix under control for now. But tonight... if these really are some kind of vampires, that could change tonight. If they got Los Angeles and New York and Austin and Chicago last night, how hard would it be for them to take a city like Phoenix the next night?"
Lis frowned thoughtfully. "Maybe that's best," she said, "Give it a night or two. See how good a hold the guard has on the city."
I bit my lip. Gerard, who had turned in his seat, noticed. "What's the problem, doc?"
"I was hoping to get to a hospital that needed me."
"What? And leave us without anyone to stitch us up or splint our broken bones? Nah. You're stuck with us. What was all this apocalypse prep for if we aren't gonna be cautious?" He grinned at me, his shaggy hair in his eyes. He didn't look cautious. He looked excited. I wondered, with two of his friends dead, how he could be this way. He had to be using this to deal with it. Any other explanation made him unfeeling, and he didn't seem so to me. He seemed... warm.
I stopped that train of thought. This was not the time to be pining for a rock star. Thousands of people were dead. I remembered, with a sick feeling in my stomach, Paul bleeding out on the ground in front of me.
I wondered if his wife survived.
Gerard turned and, using a hunting knife we'd stolen, began sharpening a new wooden stake.

***
Two nights later, Phoenix was lost to humans.
And Ray was lost to us.
He vanished while camping, the night the vampires took over Phoenix. I was sharing a tent with Lisbeth, Mikey and Gerard were in another, and Ray was awake, keeping watch. When the sun came up he was gone, and though we waited all day and searched for him, we never saw him again. We found the stake he had carried, snapped in half, a dozen yards from our campsite.
That's when we decided to sleep during the day and move at night, when we were all awake.
The loss of Ray weighed heavily on us all. In the short time we had been together, he had been a sweet and calming presence. A rational counterpoint to Gerard's sometimes outlandish behavior. I liked him very much, and my heart ached as Mikey packed his single tent up in the van, his blonde hair blowing a little in the desert breeze.
The plan that day, while the vampires shrank from the blazing summer sun, was to sneak in to the Banner hospital in Phoenix and steal some supplies.
It was a horrific sight inside the large, cold building. Doctors, patients, nurses and visitors had all been slaughtered without mercy. Lisbeth shook as we stepped around the bodies and sought out the pharmacy. It had been closed up tight, and locked from the inside.
I looked at Mikey, "Do you think there are survivors in there?"
Mikey frowned and knocked gently, "Is... is anyone alive in there?"
No response. Impatient, impulsive, Gerard kicked in the door.
The room was dark, but as he flipped on the lights, two vampires began to rise - having chosen this place to spend the daylight hours, sealed away in darkness.
Gerard did not hesitate. He staked the man on the left, who fell, hissing and writhing. Mikey and Gerard tackled the second and after a couple of attempts, Mikey finally drove the stake home.
Within minutes, they were smoking piles of ash. I was breathing heavily, surprised but still on my feet.
Lisbeth swayed violently, and I threw my body under her arm before she could fall.
"She's okay, she's just shocked." I said softly. She never lost consciousness. I turned to Gerard and Mikey, "Sit her down somewhere while I get what we need."
While they helped her away, I opened my bag and robbed the place blind. Antibiotic shots and pills, painkillers, and nausea pills. I paused, then decided what the hell, and took their stock of adderall, too. What if we needed to drive all night?
Then I ransacked a supply closet for IV's, splints, bandages, tweezers and scissors, and at last, a proper suturing kit. I was relieved that I never had to use the superglue or fishing line. My bag was now so full I could barely zip it closed, and so heavy that I dragged it out into the hall where I found them waiting for me. Lis seemed mostly recovered, a paper cup of water in her trembling hands.
I knelt down next to her, feeling her hands. Just a little clammy, no sweat on her forehead. "You feel sick?"
She nodded. I dug around and found a bottle, dumping two pills into my hand and passing them to her. "It's just for nausea. You'll feel okay soon."
I jumped as Gerard clapped me on the shoulder. "You're amazing." he said, and there was no teasing or mocking edge to his voice. It was a warm, genuine sentence.
I blinked, a little thrown. "It's just nausea medicine."
He ruffled my hair, "You think any of us know what any of that is, or how to use it? You were worth saving... and not just because you're a medic. You're incredible."
I felt a blush creeping up my neck. This felt like a conversation that should be more intimate, without two witnesses staring at us. Gerard seemed to have no shame or embarrassment at all.
I looked away from those hazel eyes, my stomach in a knot. "Thanks." I mumbled, letting him put his hand under my elbow to guide me back to my feet.
Mikey helped to steady Lisbeth, Gerard swung the bag of medicine over his shoulder, and we carefully picked our way to the hospital cafeteria, raided the vending machines, and got the hell out of there.