Take 2 Times 2? Future Book 3?

2. The stuck mind of a Little

I was told I was safe. I was told that Bull was not a traitor. I was told I didn't have to fake being small anymore. Did I believe Sam? Yes, but there was one small problem. I was stuck. For some reason I couldn't get my mind to go Big again. I also couldn't go fully Small either. I was stuck somewhere in between. I could, for the most part, understand what was going on around me, but it was like my mind said, 'Nope, not yet. I still need a break from all of this.' No Big Max, no Little Max, only this in-between state I was in. And so, I was stuck.

And that is why even after Bull and I hugged, I just sat there. I sat there looking down at the stuffed animals in my hands. I sat the wolf on the table and studied the bear. I looked deep in its eyes and concentrated on trying to be Big again. I was trying so hard I wasn't paying attention to anything else. Then I heard something. I heard it again. Then someone moved me and broke my concentration. I was in the middle of trying to be Big again and someone messed it up. I couldn't help myself. I was just sooo mad. How dare they!

"No no no no no no noooo!" I was shaking the bear, I was so frustrated. "No touch. Need big. Neeeed Big." I had tears streaming down my cheeks I was so mad. I could understand I was stuck, but I couldn't understand why I was stuck or how to get unstuck. Wait, Bear had said that he knew people like me. Maybe he knows how to get me unstuck. I looked up from the stuffed bear to ask Bear about it, but when I did everyone was staring at me. It surprised me so much I actually jumped a little bit.

What was I doing? O yea, get help from Bear. He can help. I know he can. Ignoring everyone else I looked at Bear and said, "Bar. Eed Bar." I put my hands out to him and tried to get him to get me. He wasn't moving and I needed him. I needed him before I forgot why I needed him. And he wasn't moving. I became a little frantic and started yelling at him. "Need Bar, need Bar, Neeeeed Barrr peessse!" I couldn't control the emotions running through me. I couldn't control anything. "Peesse, need Barr peesse." My arms dropped; I couldn't hold them up anymore. I just spent most of the energy I had trying to get to Bear. I just sat there crying and whimpering trying to keep my mind in one piece. It felt like my whole world would end if I couldn't get the help I needed. And only Bear could help right now.

Then I was picked up and held in a set of arms I knew. He was patting my back trying to calm me down. I knew what he was trying to do. I knew, and it was helping. He kept saying something over and over as he was rocking back and forth. I finally calmed down enough to understand what he was saying. "You're ok, Max, you're safe, Max" over and over again.

Finally, I got myself under control enough to say "Stuck."

He pulled me away from his chest and asked, "What did you say?"

I looked at him, my bottom lip trembling. My eyes started to water again and then I said, "I stuck. I no Big no more. I no wittle. Me need help get Big 'gain. Help, Barr, peesse! I no like be stuck."

Bear looked at me for just a moment then said, "Oh shit."

I have no clue what came over me, but I giggled. I actually giggled and smiled at Bear. I put my bear up to my mouth. Then I put my empty hand up to Bear's mouth and said, "No tussing"

He opened his mouth and bit my hand, not hard mind you, but he bit it. I took my hand out of his mouth and rubbed his spit on his face as I was laughing. He actually got me to laugh.

He then looked at me very seriously and said "I can help you, Max, but I need you to trust me. Do you think you could trust me?"

I nodded and said "Twuss Barr. Barr help."

"Yes, Bear will help, but I will need your help too. Do you think you can help me?"

I put my hand, now dried, on Bear's cheek and as seriously as I could while staring him in the eyes I said. "I help Barr."