A Billion Reasons (Wish 8)

41 - Wishes

"I know she's the one you want."

Monty didn't know what she heard to think he still wanted Sloane. Of all the phone calls, he picked up hers. Maybe because she had been his best friend, and she knew the dynamic of his relationship with his father, although she never truly understood it. No one could.

Immediately Sloane had said, "Is it true?" He thought of playing dumb. "Did you get drunk and marry a showgirl?"

"No! I went to Vegas because she was there. She's my friend. My best friend."

"Are you in love with her?" He didn't know how to answer. "Hello. Are you there? It wasn't a trick question."

"I loved you for so long." He took a calming breath and let it out slowly. "I know it wasn't healthy. I've had enough counseling to know I clung to something that wasn't there. Jesus, you broke me and my father finished the job." Why was he telling her this after all this time?

"I did what my eighteen-year-old self thought was best. I could have done a lot of things differently. You chose to drink for years."

"I did. It's on me." He came close to telling her the truth about the pills, but there was no point.

"You didn't answer. Do you love her?"

"How do I know? I haven't had real love since I was seventeen and we were kids."

"Does she love you?"

"Why would she? I'm a fuckup."

"Love is something you feel all over. Not just down there." Check. "It's wanting to share every thought with her and missing her when you're apart." Double check. "It's looking into the future and only seeing her."

He kept envisioning her as a mother. He wanted to be a family with Sofia.

"It's that easy?"

Sloane said, "If you mean it. Does she know who you really are?" If only Sloane knew how loaded that question was. She continued, "Trust her. Tell her your darkest secret. If she stays, then she loves you. That's how it worked for me." He didn't think Sloane had a dark past, did the slugger? "I want to meet her."

"I have to go."

He stepped out onto the deck. 'Tell her your darkest secret.' The deck was empty. He looked down at the water. He turned and looked for her in the house. She had cleared their dinner dishes, but wasn't in the kitchen.

He checked every room and his heart sped up as he ran to the pool. Empty. Phew! She must be on the beach.

"Sofia, I'm off the phone." No movement. He stepped down onto the beach. The surf was the only sound. She wouldn't swim. Not in her clothes. He started walking. "Sofia..." He called her name over and over, feeling more panicked each time. Where was she?

For years he had been convinced the higher power hated him until Sofia. After she came into his life, he began to recognize his blessings, Gray, Trista, the ability to travel. In the battle of good versus evil, his life was stacking up some good.

He needed help. "Oh God, where is she? SOFIA!" A loud sob escaped, and he breathed. His first bungee jump felt less scary than the moments he had just searched for her. Losing Sofia scared him more than the most daring plunge. If only he knew why she was crying.

"I know she's the one you want."

"I don't want her. I don't know if I ever loved her."

"But you told me. You told her?"

"I told her I clung to something that wasn't there. You have always felt love for your family, but I never have. The time we dated was the most love I ever had. Losing her love nearly killed me."