The Mind of a Depressed Teen

i hate me too

I will admit ive been reading everything here, but of course you already know that. I'm really just encouraging myself to stop though...because really there's no point of me even having this app.

Haha, this app. Where I read multiple gay stories feeling less alone when i was young, where i got weirdly popular for a while it was quite fun, i did miss that. The silliness of this app for me. The innocence. The stupid face reveal i did cause all my friends kept telling me to, the face reveals i kept telling them to do. Its so funny how i didnt start off knowing what my friends looked like.

Anyways not the point, unfortunately i still read everything but im going to try deleting this app again, im gonna try hard.

I told my therapist about the narcissism you know, the stuff you've said about me. I told her all of that.

I'm sorry.

I know what i said about how i didnt regret meeting you but after recent events i do...i wish you never met me..i really do...and im sorry you ever had to. I hate me too, p. You have not even a tiny bit of an idea of how much i genuinely hate myself, and im not shocked you hate me...im not...i get it.

i dont know whats wrong with me.

Maybe they can give me meds, there probably isnt meds for my issues but maybe, or maybe ill be self aware eventually and end up alone, what i deserve, i dont know. Maybe ill change, maybe.

Thank you for making me aware though, haha, at least somewhat aware, you're right i still deny it a lot i cant even see myself as bad in a lot of ways. Im sorry ive always denied it...you were right..of course. You're so smart and observant, always right.

About the gift, PLEASE just get your money back if possible, but ik its not about that for you, so please never ever send it please, im literally begging you please please dont. I dont want it, deserve it, need it, and i do NOT want you being hurt again please please just dont p, please...

i hope you know i know i was never deserving of your love...someone like me did not deserve the genuine love you gave me and im sorry, im sorry i left you for all the stupid wrong reasons i made up in my head, i will literally hate myself forever for it.

Theres no fixing what ive done this time, there wasnt last time either you're just extremely loving and forgiving and i cant believe i abused that for so long...

You're fucking strong, p. You really are.

Im writing this because i hope you know i am sorry this time, and i PROMISE i will stay out of your life, i wont read this stuff anymore, i wont go on docs, i will completely leave you alone, i dont want to be like those posts. Someone who comes back when they want to feed off of you, i want to do good by you, and leave you alone.

im sorry i didnt the first time...im so sorry...

I hope you can permanently hate me with zero love eventually, you deserve that and so much more.

Im sorry...

💛💛💛 yellow, your color <3

goodbye p, i know i never say that, and im sorry, goodbye, goodnight, sweet dreams <3