The Dark of You (GxG)

18. How do you chase the darkness away?

Sometimes I wish I could teleport only for a moment to catch my breath again. If only I could time travel as well. I would go back to the times when I could place a smile on my face without forcing myself most of the time. I would love to spend a minute to see my mother's smile just once. However, I'm stuck in a room filled with people, and still, I'm as lonely as I would be if it's was empty. 

To be alone in a room right now, I wouldn't have minded. Then I could have let my darkest and saddest of emotions come out to show. Instead, I have to suppress them and lock them down like I always do. 

Laughter and smiles surrender me like a cloud of smoke. It's too much as it won't allow me to breathe or to see. I can't take it anymore. There are too many people around me. I close my eyes and try to shut out the noise. 

A hand on my wrist makes me open my eyes and I look right down at Rylan, who has bent down in front of me. Those blue smiles slightly at me and the air that was lost came back slowly into my lungs again. The warmth of her touch on my arm sent comfort through me as if it was a promise that everything would be okay. She slides her hand into mine and pulls me to my feet in silence. 

Guiding me with the warmth in her eyes, we stop in the middle of the dance floor. Slowly she laid her hand onto my waist and held me close to herself as she moved me along with her rhythm. I laid my arm behind her back and held on to her shoulder. Her firm body against my own is the strongest to a calmness I've had in a long time. Closing my eyes, I hide my face against her shoulder. 

"How do you do it?" I ask quietly. 

"How do I do what?" Her breath hit my temple, causing shivers to run down my spine.

"How do you chase the darkness away?" I asked and she took a deep breath that I felt on my forehead. 

"I haven't figured that out yet," She whispered and her words made me grip her shoulder tighter as a lump came into my throat. If she hasn't been able to find the cure to the darkness, how can I? Tears creeped out of my eyes as Rylan held me firmly in her arms. In silence, she lets me cry and stain her beautiful blue suit. 

"I'm so tired," I mumbled as I can't let myself stop crying. 

"I can understand that Hadley," She said and for the first time, I believe that she is the only one that can actually understand. Rylan might even go through a darker place than I do and still, she can stand on her feet without crying in some stranger's arms. I'm so pathetic that I don't even care, or maybe it's because I feel so safe with Rylan. I don't know anything anymore. 

"I'm sorry," I said and took a long steady breath to calm myself down. She moved back to look down into my eyes.

"There is nothing to apologize for, Hadley," She smiled lightly and I swear that soft smile of hers alone lit up my insides. I haven't cried so much in a long time, especially not around someone before. To show weakness is not one of my strengths. 

"Let's get out of here," She said as she let me go and drag me by the hand after her. 

"We can't go," I said behind her and she stopped in her tracks to face me. 

"I don't think anyone cares, to be honest," Rylan shrugged and I nodded, which gave her the answer to keep on going with me on her trail. 

I shivered right away as we stepped onto the evening streets of Paris. Rylan raised her eyebrow as she let go of my hand. I wrapped my arms around my bare shoulders and only wished I could have the perfect shape of Rylan to wear a suit instead of a dress. She is nicely built and tall enough to pull it off. 

"Here," I almost jumped as Rylan laid her blazer over my shoulders and I brought it on.

"Thank you," I smiled bashfully and avoided her eyes as we stepped down the busy street. We pass a man who plays a shooting song on his violin. I smile at the older man and he grins brightly in return.  I peep over the multiply of restaurants, hotels and apartments to see the Eiffel tower further away. It brightens up as strong as the sun. Rylan followed my gaze and then smiled at me softly. 

"Come on," She looked out over the road and then motioned her head for me to walk after her. We crossed the street together and she leads us down to the Eiffel tower. It's definitely bigger than the pictures. As we walked down a path to get closer, I pressed my lips together to look up at Rylan, who seems as lost to the view as I feel.  

Without a thought, I wrapped both my arms around hers and leaned against her. She didn't seem to mind as she didn't say anything. It's a beautiful clear evening as we stroll together in quietness and I'm surprised to see how many people are out this late. 

Rylan stopped in the middle of the grass to get the full view, but instead, my eyes have a different idea. I don't know why, but I can't take my gaze off her. Those handsome cheekbones of her are to be jealous of and those pale blue eyes that could steal anyone's heart. I'm not just talking about the color. The pull she has when she looks at me is too strong. It's a mix of pain, sadness, but also a softness that wraps a chain around me that I can't break.

I know that there is a shadow that keeps on following her. The one that rips her apart from the insides. I wish I had the power to take that hunted look away from her eyes. Yet, I can't as much as she can't take mine away. Her company eases the loneliness more than anyone else has done, but if she does feel the same way, I don't know. 

We are all built and thorn differently. The comfort she gives me I might not give her. For all, I know maybe she feels obligated to treat me this way. However, she has told me that she doesn't care for my happiness, but now she does? 

Rylan looked down at me and smiled as she realized that I have been staring at her. 

"Are you okay?" She whispered as if it was a crime to break our silence. 

"Yeah," I answered and truly meant it this time. 

"Good," She grinned.

"Let's get back to the hotel,"