I wonder if you're happy {Benson & Stabler AU}

1

There was some things that Olivia would always remember.

She would always remember the difficult cases, the heart wrenching cases, the triumphant cases. She would always remember the first time she had walked the streets of New York in the middle of the night. She would always remember the feeling of watching the sun rise. She would always remember a good bottle of red wine. But most of all she would always remember him.

It had been a while since she had seen or spoken to him, but his face was still vivid in her memory, his voice still there, his smile etched in her brain, the feeling of his arms clutching her long after he had left, the sound of his feet walking on the wooden flooring in her apartment.

For months after he had gone, she'd find herself looking for his face in crowds, searching for the same piercing blue eyes in complete strangers, listening for his laugh.

Never finding or seeing him always left her deflated and she'd go back to her apartment, tuck herself into her armchair wearing his old sweatshirt and sob for hours.

It was never meant to be anything more than a friendly working relationship, yet she'd suddenly find herself excited to see him, thrilled beyond belief if he had suggested after work drinks, just the two of them.

And then it had escalated to flirty smiles, inside jokes and barely there touch's.

She'd tried to convince herself that it was all in her head, that the happily married man was just being polite, that they were nothing more than work colleagues yet she knew that the lingering looks and bumping of hands when they walked were something more.

The algorithm of their friendship changed the night they had finally won a long drawn out case. They'd sat for hours in the back room of the precinct long after everybody had left for the day, spilling their deepest and darkest secrets, inching closer to each other, their fingers brushing together, the tension between them palpable.

That was the night they had first kissed, their tongues entwined in forbidden lust. The kiss had ended as quickly as it started, he had pulled away, his lips red and bruised before leaving hastily out of the door leaving her sat there, confused and hurt.

She knew deep down that they shouldn't have kissed, knew that it was a massive mistake, yet that night as she lay in bed, she found herself thinking of him. Recreating the situation in her head, willing for time to be pushed back so she could re do it all again. Her thoughts and dreams interrupted when she remembered he had gone back home to his lovely wife in his lovely home.

She had been nothing more than an error of judgment on his part.

She cried herself to sleep that night.

It had never been awkward between them.

Despite him being a married man and father and most of all, her partner, he hadn't treated her any differently than before the kiss. He would still flirt with her, still bump his hand against hers, still stare at her a little too long before blushing and looking down when she finally caught his eye.

The day his wife told him he wasn't happy with their marriage, was the day things changed dramatically.

He had been in a bad mood all day, snapping at everybody but Olivia. She had felt his anger in the air between their desks and had meekly suggested an after work drink, just the two of them.

The elation when he had accepted lifted her the through the day and she had been ready to burst by the time he had stood up, leant over her shoulder and told her to grab her coat. She had practically skipped out of the precinct, following him like a lost puppy.