Just needed to take this of my chest.
I feel alone.
People are around me but don't understand me.
Why can't I make people understand me?
Why can't I tell them?
Tell them about my passions and dreams,
Tell them about my opinions,
Tell them about how I feel,
How I care,
How I fight,
How I live.
Why am I so afraid?
Of being judged,
Of being disliked,
Of being me.
People think I'm boring.
That I'm just there,
Blend,
Mediocre,
Average,
I wish I didn't care.
Care that people dislike the things I love.
Dislike how excited I can get about my dreams.
I literally won't shut up.
All I can think about is it will annoy people.
Don't do it.
Don't say it.
Don't be it.
Why don't I have any friends?
Why don't I message them?
Why don't I tell them I love them?
Be there for them,
Hug them,
Laugh with them,
Cry with them.
All I do is just look out the windows and wait.
Wait for a time that is never to come.
Not saying anything while still hoping someone would understand.
Understand that I never put myself first.
Understand that I'm an emotional mess.
Understand that I live in my imagination to forget reality.
To forget what's real.
To built walls around me and smile through it.
Why can't I tell them I'm not just the sweet girl,
That I'm not just the mediocre girl,
That I'm not just the quiet girl,
That I'm not boring but afraid to make jokes.
Afraid that I would hurt someone with my humor.
That someone would think I am annoying when telling a joke.
People think I'm too serious just because I'm afraid to.
Why can't I say to my family in law I'm interested in them?
Ask them questions about their life's?
Show them that I care?
Why do I care so much but don't show it?
Show that I want to hug you when you cry
Catch you when you fall,
Hold your hand when you need courage.
I'm jealous,
Jealous of the people who are social.
Who are open,
Who are themselves without being afraid,
Who have friends,
Who aren't afraid of telling how they feel.
Isolated in my own thoughts.
Isolated in my own imagination.
Isolated in my own dreams.
My mind is wonderful but why can't I share it?
Why can't I let everyone know what's going on in there?
Why don't I say the things I really want to say?
Why do I work like this?
Just why?
Insecurities,
Selflessly,
Waiting,
Hoping,
Fighting,
Get up,
Fighting,
Dreaming,
Waiting,
Get up,
Fighting,
Hoping,
Fight,
Fight,
Fight,
Live.
I am alone.
