I'm bored

Funny when you're dead, how people start listening.

Nonbinary character.
Trigger Warning: Suicide and talks if Suicide/self harm. Remember you are loved and cared for.
Suicide hotline:800-273-8255.
Mental health crisis hotline:800-662-HELP (text or call)
Don't forget you can also call emergency services. U.S.:911 U.K.:999

I grab a random pen I found in my bathroom, and an old envelope. I try to wipe my tears enough to see, but it's no use. I start writing.

Dear dad (and Peter), I love you both. I don't want to hurt you or anybody so please forget about me. Just try. Find yourself a better lover and daughter. I have been wanting to do this for a while. I don't want you to be in pain, so please don't ponder on me and why I did it. I'm happy now, and it's time to let go. There used to be days that I thought I was okay, or at least that I was going to be. We'd be hanging out somewhere and everything would just fit right and I would think 'it will be okay if it can just be like this forever' but of course nothing can ever stay just how it is forever. Now I realize that happiness doesn't just show up for me. I don't know whether I want to kill myself of what's inside me, but it won't matter in the end. Steve, please don't try and save me. Bucky, please don't think thai is your fault. Thor, tell Loki that I didn't think he was a monster. Natasha, don't burn down the kitchen when I'm not there to help you cook. Sam, remember not to run to far on your right cause I'll be running next to you. Peter, stay up at night and watch the stars for me, and swing through the city for me. Tony, finish my car that I'm building. Clint, give my extra arrows to your daughter. Wanda, I'll tell Piet hello when I see him. Dad, don't go all Hulk when you find this. This is what I want so don't be sad.

I finish writing on it and set it next to the sink. I hear a knock at the door. I cough so I don't sound like I'm crying. I'm a pro at that. "Who is it?" I ask.

"Peter, I wanted to know if you wanted to join us for food?" I silently sigh with relief.

"No, I was about to shower anyway." I hear footsteps walking away and Peter yells something. I take me shirt off and put on one that Peter gave me. I run my hands over the scars that make my perfectly tanned skin uneven. My stomach turns at the thought of seeing my twelve year old self do this. I turn the shower on and sit down on the floor of the shower.

I look at the knife in my hand. Careful I turn it, and take in every inch of it. Finally I look up and close my eyes. "I'm gonna see you now Mama." I say with shakey breath from crying. "The pains going be fine soon."

I press the place against my wrist, right on the vain. I push down, and see the blood starting to drip out. Quickly I pull the knife through the rest of my wrist. Blood starts gushing out, I look down at my legs already cut multiple times to make sure it works. Everything goes black and I slowly fall back. The last thing I remember is feeling my head hit the hard ground.

Peter's POV

I run inside the compound, and to Arrows room. I knock on the door, but they don't answer. I knock again, but still no answer. I put my ear up against their door, and hear that the shower is still on. I walk in, and take in all the black and midnight blue painted on their walls. I walk to the wall we painted together. It's red cause it's my favorite color. Blood red to be exact.

"Arrow, I brought you some food." There is no response. I raise my eyebrow, but assume that they are ignoring me. I run my hand over their rainbow flag, and across our names on it. I figure I'll just walk into the bathroom. I open the door, and see them laying there blood everywhere. Tears well up I my eyes.

I run over to them and sit down on the ground with them. I don't bother to turn the water off. I put my hands against their neck for a pulse. "Please, please." I beg as I feel. I feel a faint heartbeat. "Thank God." I say. "Steve! Steve!" I yell calling Mr Rogers my his first name. He comes running in and sees me on the ground with her.

"Tony!" He shouts. He runs over and looks at the scene. I don't see what he does next cause I'm crying to hard. "What happened?" I can't speak. I put my hand on their neck again, bug I don't feel anything. "Got a pulse?" He asks fast. I shake my head and try not to scream. I pull them up in my arms more and rock them back and forth, my head against theirs. "Bruce! Tony! Anyone!" Steve screams. I see Dr Banner run in. I close my eyes when I hear his painful scream.

I continue to rock. "Come on. Come back. I need you, Arrow. I need you." I whisper while laying kisses on their forehead. I feel hands trying to pick me up. "No, I'm staying here. I love them!" I scream. "I love them!" I put them down carefully and go limp in the persons arms. I feel them pick me up, and out of the shower. I run over to Mr Stark and hug him. "They're gone. I love them, they can't be." I cry into his arms. I hear him sniffle.

I look over at the sink, and grab the envelope on it. I quickly read in as more tears spill out of my eyes. "I'll watch the stars for you I promise." I say.

Three days later.

I lay down on their bed. The funeral ended not to long ago. I turn on my side and reach into their nightstand. I see a song called "Would you care if I was gone?" I put the cd in their player and then it on. I grab their pillow as they sing.

"Funny when you're dead, how people start listenin."

I finally break. I fall to my knees with a scream, so loud that F.R.I.D.A.Y asks me if I'm okay. "I loved you! How could you not see that!" I screamed as I cried into their pillow. "You were my everything! Why?!" I breath deeply, and scream the loudest I ever have. "WHY!!!?"

Two years later

I stop Ned outside of and cemetery. He turns in confused on where we're going. I stop him in the parking spots closest to Arrows grave. We get out and I grab the extra cao and gown from the backseat, along with flowers and a card. I also grab a box that has a lot of pictures in it.

We walk to their grave. "Hey, Arrow." I say running my hand over their name. "Arrow Rose Banner, you graduated today." I say holding tears back. I set the cap on top of the tombstone and wrap the gown around it. "I got you some flowers. Roses cause I know how much you live them." I say. "And a funny card that plays music." I laugh sadly at the last part.

Ned stays behind me as to not disturb me. I run my hand in the group below the tombstone. I smile sadly and kiss the stuffed lamp that sits in the tent I but there. (Stuffed animal sized tent) I pick it up and kiss it's head. "I love you, Arrow." I choke out the last part.

"Always have." I say quietly. I hear them in the back of my head say "Always will." I kiss my fingers and touch them to the tombstone. I walk away with Ned to the car with tears streaming down my face. Maybe I'll join them soon. I think as I run my hands over the small cuts in my wrist. That night I watched the starts from the top of Stark tower, contemplate whether or not to jump.