Simula
I'm at the edge of my mind, thinking about what to do for tomorrow. Hindi na ako nakakaramdam ng kasiyahan na para bang dati mayroon ako, but somehow hindi ko alam anong nangyari.
"Stella Yvery G. Joaquin, alam kong malakas ang hangin pero bakit pati ata ikaw natatangay?" sambit ni Athena noong nahuli niya akong muling nagdaday-dream sa malayong lugar na tanaw ng school building namin.
I always choose to sit next to a window for a brighter view, I felt like even all people can see me they won't bother me as if they knew me.
It's been years since I flew all the way to Manila for my college and I'm thankful I'm with Athena. My Grandma wants me to study here even though our province is almost 8 hours far away from the city.
Kinuha ni Athena ang atensyon ko matapos marinig ang pagtunog ng bell sa aming paaralan na hudyat na ng uwian. Lagi kaming kumakain ng tuhog-tuhog sa gilid ng campus pero ngayon para bang wala ako sa sarili ko hindi ko gustong kumain ni makipagusap kahit kanino. My best friend sensed my unusual mood and every time she knew about it, she always found a way to know and help me cope up with it.
There is a single spot in school where we named our hideout, we always planned an unexpected meet-up there when going to classes that we're not classmates. Since Athena is studying Psychology major while I'm a Political Science major.
"Yve?... What's wrong?" she asked me.
Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko but I need to answer.
"I already found my parent's tomb in Pangasinan, I don't know if I'm happy or I'm angry and accusing them of not being on my side since I was born." then tears started to pool in my eyes. Ang sakit parang pakiramdam ko hindi na sana ako nabuhay kung ganoon, wala rin lang palang tao sa tabi ko.
"Do you want me to be with you? Tara puntahan natin." she tried to flash a fake smile to comfort my longing self.
"No, ako na sulitin mo yung sembreak natin to be with your family for sure miss ka na nila Tita Glen..." I wiped my tear before I can't stop them.
After that hour, I felt my loneliness as I welcome myself to the apartment that Lola bought me as a gift since nasa 4th year college na ako ngayon, malapit na grumaduate at mag-eenroll na sa law school to be the future voice of every oppressed people. My apartment is filled with a minimalistic design with brown as my palette color.
I don't feel like living and cooking food for myself so I immediately lay down on my bed thinking what is the decisions I have to make.
I woke up at exactly 12:00 midnight cuddling myself with my blanket as my open window welcome the cold breeze in the middle of the city. Pakiramdam ko gusto ko ng pahinga sa lahat ng bagay.
Instead of killing myself using my thoughts, nagtimpla na lamang ako ng kape upang hindi na makatulog pa. I know my body clock is a fucking mess and I don't know how to fix it.
Lumabas ako sa veranda para mafeel ko yung mainit kong kape na magpapainit sa malalamig kong gabi. Gustong-gusto ko ang oras na ito sapagkat bukod sa napakakulay ng buong siyudad, hindi mo maririnig yung mga nagmumurang driver dahil ang traffic talaga sa Pilipinas.
Nabitin ako sa kape at pakiramdam ko gusto ko naman ng cold coffee, nang makita kong wala na akong stock tila ba pinagkaitan ako ng lahat ng bagay sa daigdig.
