Heard of the Deathly Hallows? Well get ready for the Squirtly Hallows😩.
Once upon a time, about 500 years ago. Three magical people walked this earth. A Slytherin, named Vibrator Malfoy. A Gryffindor named Rebecca Brown. And a Hufflepuff named Eleftheria Moonshine.
These three wizards were very horny, and one day came face to face with the Moaning God. This God decided to grant these three each a magical ability.
The first wizard, Vibrator Malfoy asked for the power of having a humongous penis, that could destroy any pussy. So the Moaning God granted this wish. He became The Pussy Destroyer
The second witch, Eleftheria Moonshine asked for the power of an infinitely strong pussy that can snap like a venus fly trap. So the Moaning God granted this wish. She became The Cock Cruncher.
The third witch was more cunning, and instead asked for the power of interception. In order to stop The Cock Cruncher and The Pussy Destroyer from making the ultimate child, she would be able to seduce one of them until they'd fall in love with her. So the Moaning God granted this wish. She became The Interception.
But the Moaning God couldnt have this power passed on to every single child, so they made a deal with the three wizards, making this power only transfer to the person thirteen generations down the line.
However, Eleftheria had other ideas. She had fallen in love with a man named William Buttercup. The pair got married, making her Eleftheria Buttercup.
Rebecca Brown went on a full rampage and locked herself in her house for weeks. Nobody knew what she was up to, all the villagers heard were moans and squelches every evening.
On her death bed, Rebecca kept a necklace with the letter 'R' on it, a watermelon scrunchie and a branch of Lavender.
