50 ways to kill yourself

Chapter One

Annoying Britt.
Bitch.
Cunt.
Douchebag.
End her life.
Fag.
Gaining people's hate.
Hypocrite.
Impatient.
Jackass.
Knock her up.
Loser.
Monkey.
Not accepted.
Over weight.
Pig.
Quiet.
Rare creature.
Small.
Tiny.
Ugly.
Virtue.
Whore.
X-ray her, still the same.
Yuck!
Zip your FUCKING mouth!

As I wrote the things they said. Those negative things they call me. I really never want to spend my high school days here, if they will just treat me shit.

I don't care if I'll drop out of this school, I just care about my feelings. I still remember when I first got here.

-;- Flashback -;-

"Hey, look at that new kid, she's short. She's just my chest height." And they all laugh. I thought I could start it by putting smile on people faces, but no, instead, I put evil glares, and dirty smirks on their faces.

What did I do to make this happen? For me to feel unconnected to them, why SHOULD I feel that I am left out.

I just ignored it and think that it was all just a really bad nightmare.

Most of people here just don't treat me with respect, the way I am treating them.

I walked away, head down, and ignored the people around me.

I still don't have friends, maybe because I tried so much to ignore them.

"No one will make an effort, though.." I mumbled into myself.

Luckily, The day didn't go worse after I was shoved into lockers. I was freshman.

Maybe, I know why they hate me. Because I am a fucked-up bitch.

My father said I was a disappointment. My mother said that my life would be ruin if I talk to someone, so I believed them, mostly my father, because he was right, I was.. No, Am a disappointment.

I don't know any positive things. I just usually sit on my bed and listen to music. Actually, Music was just my only friend.

I managed to buy some music sets. I play guitar, piano, and maybe drums. Music was the only one keeping me alive.

Why did I do wrong?

1. Swallow some pills, painkillers.

I never managed to defend myself because it's so hard. They are just so many to cope with, or maybe fight with.

So, I decided, after I finished writing in this Journal on 50 ways how to kill yourself. Because I really can't take it anymore, no one would even live if they are in my position right now.

I really don't want to be with people who thinks I'm worthless, because thanks to my little confidence, I am not a piece of shit that can be thrown away by other people. But it seems that everyday, they are trying their best to do that. And they succeed.

"49 more to go.." I mumbled as I drifted to sleep.