sparks in the dark.

desperation.

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It's been a week since you finally got out of your toxic relationship, but what confused you the most was how you didn't feel much of a pain as you thought you would. Not only did it confuse you, but it also scared you more than you already were. The thoughts of not being able to feel strong emotions had always been haunting you with guilt. You tried blaming it on the fact that 'maybe it was because it was a toxic relationship' or maybe 'they weren't as special as you thought'.

With a sigh, you decided to push the thoughts away for the millionth time this week and instead focus on the person besides you. On the rooftop of you sasha's house; there you layed, with eren, who you met just a while ago. The music of the small party downstairs (that you and eren had decided to ditch) playing in the background along side with the  You glanced at your side, admiring the male's side profile as much as you could before he caught you. You noticed his slit eyebrow and wondered how it got there, and if his long hair bothered him like how it bothered some girls but the look on his face, distracted you from the thoughts. A look of satisfaction and relief painted all over his face as he puffed out the smoke of his blunt with closed eyes and a flexed jaw.

You gulped, the air in your lungs hitching at the heavenly sight and slowly, you felt a not so familiar pounding in your chest, and you quickly figured it was your heart beating too fast. You may not be so familiar with strong emotions, but you were not stupid.

All of your thoughts were cut off as he turned to you, arching a brow all the while he held back a smirk, knowing he had caught you, not only caught off guard but also red handed and you finally realized your intimate positive, both of you laying on your back, faces too close for two people who had just met. You wondered why you weren't coughing out the smoke that he puffed out and was too close to your face, but you quickly figured out you've been holding in your breath the second he turned his head to you.

"What's on your mind y/n?"
Right there, he said your name, a wave of pleasure taking over your body at the way your name rolled of his tongue and escaped through his perfectly sculpted lips.

You finally adverted your gaze from his eyes to his chest, trying not to let the broad shoulders and muscles distract you as you thought of an appropriate answer.

"I'd rather show you than tell" you spoke quietly, almost in a whisper as your eyes met his emerald colored ones. Not finding it quiet reasonable to raise your voice much due to the small distance between your face. The tension in the air changing ever so slightly at your tone and words.

"Go ahead then, the look in your eyes is making me quite curious" he said after he observed your eyes, his own shamelessly and quickly taking in your position and the way your bodies layed so closed to eachother. Or in other words, check your position, posture and body out.
Although his action did make you feel a tiny bit more excited for your following actions, you pushed it to the side. Right now, you were desperate, desperate for the way he made you feel, desperate to get the usual numbness away, desperate to see if he felt the same, and if not, desperate to make him feel the same way. So, you reached your hand out, placed your forever cold fingers on his jaw line, tilted his head to your own the slightest bit before fluttering your own eyes shut and leaning forward, your dark pink tinted lips pressing against eren's pale ones, not in a soft manner, but also not so hard. the kiss was hungry, starved and desperate, not exactly for a sexual touch, but for the feeling it caused, for the way the electricity rushed through you, for the way you felt tingles from your toes to your head, for the way the numbness finally went away and let you enjoy yourself. Let's say you weren't exactly as nervous or worried of him pushing you back. You were quite experienced with these situations and tensions weren't oblivious of the meaning behind your own words or actions.

You felt his lips smirk against yours, he was slightly caught of guard, but not much due to the way your eyes expressed the feeling of want and need before you finally kissed him. his eyes fluttered shut not long after as he pushed his jaw forward to press your lips together harder and as a response to the kiss, his big and surprisingly, due to the cold weather, warm hand taking a hold of your chin to pull you closer. you didn't fail to notice the rings on his fingers that brushed against your skin ever so slightly and made the experience feel even more dreamy and perfect than it already was.

You wondered why you hadn't met him earlier, because he, eren yeager, was finally able to make you feel desperate for someone for the first time in your life. Maybe that's why your past relationship was toxic, because you could never feel so strongly, you could never worry over them alot, you could never get as upset as they did after an argument, you could never really want to try hard because somehow, people were the ones that were desperate for you. and it made it kinda boring how you could easily get what ever you want without having to try as hard.

Your eye brows furrowed slightly as he pulled back, you could still continue because it hadn't been long into the kiss and you aren't out of breath. so it confused you and left you slightly frustrated. you parted your lips further to let out a complain before you saw what he was up to, he was taking another deep and long puff of his blunt.
and he finally turned to you, quickly and careful not to let the smoke out. He cupped your chin again, this time his thumb pulling your bottom lip apart from your top one and before you even knew it, eren's lips were pressed against yours once again. But this time, both of your lips parted and your felt the smoke filling your mouth and slowly make it's say down you to your lungs.
you had smoked before, you weren't new to the experience but the feeling of erens lips pressed against yours did distract you slightly.

you tensed up, your hands leaving his jaw line to tug at the collar of his shirt  instead in panic with furrowed brows; almost desperately trying to play it cool to save yourself from being teased later on by tugging him closer with the grip on his most likey expensive shirt. you ran out of breath so quickly due to the smoke along side of the panic but we're too desperate to let got of his lips. clearly it hadn't been his first time doing this, but it was yours and what shocked you where his following actions.

you hadn't expected him to care and expected him to pull back and let out an annoyingly charming laugh at your sudden panic but instead, he carefully started to caress your cheek instead with his thumb in attempt to remind you to stay calm and focused on the smoke that's now travelling down your lungs, so you only did what came to your mind at that moment and inhaled slowly and carefully through your nose, which sure did help you gain some oxygen to let the kiss stay alive a little longer. Soon enough, you felt his tongue against your own, both of your tongues dancing with eachother skillfully, his rough lips stroking yours. you noted how he tasted like his blunt which wasn't unpleasant. the tiniest bit of smoke escaping from the corner of your lips.

once you felt like you really couldn't hold it in anymore, you slowly pulled back, both of your lips slightly wet and now soft because of your mixed saliva. the smoke escaping both of your swollen lips between your faces, not allowing him to see your face until all the smoke was gone. you were grateful for how dark it was, the only light that let you see his face was the light reflecting against the moon and the lights from other houses surrounding yours and you were sure he wouldn't notice your flushed cheeks.
but it seems like luck wasn't on your side for that one because of his following words.

"your cheeks getting all pink and shy is cute, I wonder if it's because of the smoke or me, hm? which one is it?" he asked which reminded you of the fact that he is still own teasing self that you had came across first downstairs. You responded with a scoff and by rolling your eyes which made him chuckle, letting go of his shirt and collar to lay look up at the sky again, your heart still hammering against your chest loudly and the sparkles finally settling in the pit if your stomach.

but the only difference from before you kissed was your hand interlocked with eren's laying between your bodies and the relaxed smiles displayed in both your lips.

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